


once more to see you

by mrcykllng



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sex, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, JJP Switches, Light Angst, M/M, Makeup Artist Lim Jaebeom, Side JackJae, Soloist Park Jinyoung, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:55:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29088681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrcykllng/pseuds/mrcykllng
Summary: Jaebeom takes the opportunity to work as a makeup artist as his first real shot in connecting to a deeper level of the entertainment industry's backbone. With determination and an ambition to fulfill, he intends to soak up as much experience as he could get in the field. But crossing paths with Park Jinyoung entails offers that push the boundaries of his contract, including the risk of compromising the reason he took the job in the first place.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 25
Kudos: 86
Collections: JJP Big Bang





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to mod leah for organizing this fest! especially with all the considerations and extensions.  
> and thank you so much to [aj](https://twitter.com/fairywangs) for being my beta reader! i couldn't have gone far with writing this fic without all their help and support. ☆  
> \+ special thanks to simon for helping me edit and proofread at the last minute!
> 
> thank you also to [yorobeom](https://twitter.com/yorobeom) for the [lovely art](https://twitter.com/yorobeom/status/1355973889730301953?s=20) for this fic. it's so pretty, and i urge everyone to see it and send them your compliments. 
> 
> title is from [once more to see you by mitski](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dpfv9P23uCM). i think it also fits the story's atmosphere well.

Jaebeom is taking steps to build a dream, and there's nothing holding him back.

Since graduating college four years ago, Jaebeom hasn’t paused in expanding his skills. He’s undergone internships, attended seminars, worked closely with some big names. Jaebeom is always looking into collecting the right pieces needed for him to shine, and it shows in how hard he works to make the dream big and fulfilling. 

Some might say he's too ambitious, but honestly he only has one goal in mind: to be known in the entertainment industry as someone indispensable behind the scenes, a powerful foundation.

Now he’s in the midst of taking another step. It's a rainy Monday afternoon, and the marble floor of the building's lobby area Jaebeom just arrived in is spotted with wet patches. A janitor swiftly attends to them, while the guards gently remind every person entering to fold their umbrellas and place them by the metal basket near the revolving door. Jaebeom tucks his at a corner before walking towards the elevator. 

A month ago, Jaebeom had accepted an offer from a noona he met and had gotten close with in some of the workshops he attended. Eunhye is a wonderful woman who looked after him like an older sister. And because she is due to give birth next month, she had to turn down this job to relax and take an early maternity leave. 

Jaebeom enters the elevator with two other people. They all bow to each other respectfully, and one presses a different floor number. Jaebeom glances at his phone to check if he read Eunhye’s instructions correctly. Seventh floor, he didn’t make a mistake. After a minute, Jaebeom heads out first.

From what he knows, Eunhye is a renowned stylist and makeup artist. Jaebeom greatly admires her expertise, and he has learned a lot from her. Jaebeom has also acquainted her of the dream he wants to see, so Eunhye placed this opportunity in his hands, indulging him.

“Hello, excuse me,” Jaebeom says to get the attention of the receptionist. “Appointment at three for Park Jinyoung?”

The receptionist looks up from her laptop and checks the identification Jaebeom placed on the desk. Then she gestures at Jaebeom to sit while she makes a call.

Eunhye was supposed to work for a certain idol-turned-soloist for the next three to four weeks. Personally, Jaebeom didn't care much for idols but he made his research on this one. This idol, Park Jinyoung (who coincidentally shares the name of the old Park Jinyoung he's familiar with) had his group disbanded a year ago so he left the company. He signed a new contract with a smaller company that has a good reputation of handling actors and soloists. His second album is slated for release two weeks from now. 

Eunhye knew a lot of people in the industry, and is said to be good friends with Park Jinyoung. It goes without saying, accepting this offer with her aid would help his prospects in the field, widening his network of connections more. Plus, it's a shot at experiencing the workings of the industry. Jaebeom really only managed to peek inside a few times.

“Lim Jaebeom-ssi, please go to the first room on the left down the hall. Nari-ssi will meet you there,” the receptionist says. Jaebeom nods and retrieves his papers from the desk. 

So that's how he finds himself seated on a leather couch, zoning out for five minutes and counting. It’s a small office, all white walls and modern decoration. The outside scenery is nothing spectacular; the floor-to-ceiling windows are marred with droplets of water, obscuring the view of other buildings. With the lack of the soft sound of rain, it must have passed already.

Jaebeom clutches the strap of his messenger bag and fixes his blazer. He's a little worried that he dressed too formally despite his attire being Eunhye's suggestion. She was kind enough to assist him through the whole application process, even schooling him on the concepts agreed upon for Park Jinyoung. All that’s really left is to meet the core team and fine tune the schedule and other details before the promotion period begins.

A woman opens the door at the other end of the room and stays there for a moment. She has medium-length brown hair and is wearing a sheer midnight blue blouse and white slacks. She looks friendly enough. Her heels click against the laminate floor when she takes a step to address him. “You're the one unnie recommended?”

“Yes, my name is Lim Jaebeom.” He gets up and punctuates his reply with a bow.

“Nice to meet you.” The woman smiles, a welcoming one. “I trust unnie, and I heard you're good at what you do. Let’s go.”

Jaebeom smiles back and allows himself to be led to the next room. 

Truthfully, regardless of Eunhye's words, Jaebeom thinks he's only decent at best. He knows how to do makeup, sure, proved it when he had to for himself and friends in college during amateur photoshoots, and while working in a small theatre company as a fresh graduate. But no _real_ work as such; he's not confident about working as a professional. Still, Eunhye encouraged him to take this, assured him that makeup for men is usually less complicated unless circumstances demand otherwise.

There are four people in the room when he steps inside. Almost all of them are seated on the same side facing the door, save for one. Brief silence falls among them as the woman who called for Jaebeom speaks, looking up at him given their height difference.

“My name is Kim Nari.” She extends her hand and Jaebeom shakes it. “We’re Jinyoung-ssi’s core team. Do you have your documents?”

Jaebeom nods and takes out a folder. He hands it to Nari and she places it on the table. The four other people get up from their seats to huddle closer, scanning his resume and portfolio. They whisper to each other while reading the pages, and one slips out too loudly, “Isn’t he handsome?”

Nari glances at Jaebeom to see his reaction. Jaebeom just looks down timidly.

“Unnie really knows the best people,” Nari says. Jaebeom offers a polite smile as he receives back the folder. “Jinyoung-ssi’s bound to arrive in a few minutes. For now, introductions?”

The lone woman on their side of the table stands. “Hi, Jaebeom-ssi. I'm Kang Haru, the head stylist,” she says. They shake hands and the rest of the team follow her lead, introducing themselves and their roles.

All of them are clad in semi-formal attire, but Kang Haru stands out with her short blonde hair and red coat. Her features are mellow but assertive, well-defined. She has this no-nonsense air around her. Jaebeom hopes they'll work along well.

When they've settled down in their seats, Haru turns to him. “I know you're already fully aware of the concept Jinyoung-ssi wants, but feel free to make suggestions during the meeting,” she says.

Jaebeom thanks her and flips through his copy of the agenda. As he looks through the concept again, Jaebeom watches the fragments of a dream come together. A bright feeling of excitement strikes his mind. This could be a path that he can pursue. He could push to work in a production design company, offer many hours in detailing and gushing out creativity, to see a vision come to life.

The bubbling passion slowly wells up in his heart. He could love doing this.

Then, enter Park Jinyoung, looking like he stepped out of a dream himself.

He’s seen pictures of him on the internet, but those didn’t prepare him for what he’d _see_ in person. Park Jinyoung, with his endearing face, almost majestic demeanor, down to earth aura. A face that could be plastered on a million billboards, and it won’t get tiring. He isn't wearing anything too fancy, though he seems like it. The black sweatshirt shapes his body well, more so when he shrugged off his coat. Jaebeom has to tear his eyes away, afraid he’ll get caught staring.

Jaebeom stands up and bows in greeting, as do the others. Park Jinyoung follows after a man wearing a denim jacket, most likely his manager who Jaebeom knows is named Dongsun. They bow back to everyone in the room and position themselves beside Haru, the manager closest to her.

“Good afternoon,” Park Jinyoung says, voice deep and velvety smooth. The head stylist moves closer to him, going in for a hug.

“The young man is Eunhye's replacement in the meantime?” Dongsun looks at Jaebeom while arranging papers. 

“Yeah, Lim Jaebeom-ssi. He's cute, right?” Nari says as she adjusts the laptop and projector setup.

“You could have been an idol, Jaebeom-ah. Our company would have loved to have you.” Dongsun grins. He's teasing.

Jaebeom smiles shyly, using the split second quiet to think up a fitting reply. But then Park Jinyoung leans his head to look at him, and all thoughts dissolve to mush.

“Looking forward to working with you, Jaebeom-ssi,” he says in the same deep voice.

“Me too,” Jaebeom replies, a bit awkward.

Haru giggles beside him as she picks up her notes. Dongsun nods at her. 

“Okay, let's start,” she says with a clap of enthusiasm.

They go through each agenda rigorously, and Jinyoung speaks up from time to time. The boyfriend-next-door concept looks good on Jinyoung, perfect for a chill fall comeback. Jaebeom doesn't have anything to contribute, as he has exhausted all his opinions already to Eunhye, who has relayed it to the core team. When the meeting draws to a close, Dongsun gives them all a copy of the schedule for the next four weeks.

“See you all this Wednesday,” he says as a final statement.

Jaebeom lifts his eyes, only to be met by Jinyoung's. He quickly flashes a smile at Jaebeom before turning to face something else. Jaebeom freezes, pen threatening to slide off his fingers.

Nari approaches him then. “He always looks better in person,” she whispers to him. “Starstruck?”

Jaebeom clumsily catches his pen and purses his lips, unable to string a sentence together. Thankfully Nari seemed to understand. “Let's grab a coffee, Jaebeom-ssi.”

The other team members have plans for the rest of the day, so it's just Nari and Jaebeom left. They cross the street to go to a cafe, wet asphalt reflecting the headlights, while Nari pleasantly talks about her work under Park Jinyoung. She clarifies that she's the assistant stylist, and the most gruelling parts of the schedules happen before the talent even walks in. 

“Jinyoung-ssi is pretty nice. When you’ve worked with him long enough, he can be a good friend. Everyone's fond of him, and sometime he even treats us all to coffee,” Nari tells Jaebeom. He nods as he pushes the door open for her. “Oh, speaking of!”

Nari waves at someone Jaebeom thinks, knows, is the face of the person he's gonna have to stare at for the next few weeks. Nari tugs at Jaebeom's sleeve, and he reluctantly looks at Jinyoung's direction. 

The impact is muted this time. There's no magic, no fireworks, much less the spark of a love at first sight. Jaebeom feels like he's having an out-of-body experience. Something about Jinyoung's expressive eyes and soft features make his insides turn weird. Jaebeom silently prays to get out of this funk soon.

Before he knows it, Jinyoung is already making small talk with Nari, a tall cup of coffee in his hand and his manager right beside him. Jaebeom acknowledges them with a casual bow. After an exchange indistinct to Jaebeom, Nari leads all of them to an empty table, with Jaebeom designated to falling in line to order their coffee. 

When he returns with the cups, they're talking about a funny experience Jaebeom wasn't around yet to witness. Nari and Jinyoung in particular seem to be getting a kick out of it, Jinyoung’s laughter standing out.

“Here, Nari-ssi.” Jaebeom places her cup in front of her and sits beside her, right across Jinyoung. Jaebeom makes it a point to drink his coffee before accidentally doing something stupid.

“Oh yeah, Jaebeom-ssi, you can call me noona. I’m cool with it.” Nari bumps their cups together and drinks.

Jaebeom doesn't have time to respond to that before Jinyoung decides to say something. “You don't look much older than me Jaebeom-ssi. You must have been working hard.”

“Yes, uh, Eunhye noona taught me well,” Jaebeom replies, kind of disengaged. Dongsun smiles at him gently. He can’t exactly understand what that meant.

For the next few minutes, Jaebeom just sat there, occasionally nodding and letting out some words when asked. Fuck, he feels so out of it. The anxiety and excitement is probably getting to him.

And lucky for him, Jinyoung is the one who notices. “You alright, Jaebeom-ssi?”

Nari quirks her eyebrows at him and chimes in, “Something wrong?”

“I’m okay. Nothing’s wrong.” Embarrassed, Jaebeom coughs. 

“You can tell me if something’s bothering you, Jaebeom-ssi, especially if it’s about the job,” Dongsun offers.

Jaebeom thanks him and finishes his coffee. The warmth he feels on his cheeks is undeniable now, so he stays quiet until the last bits of conversation. He thinks Nari senses how discomfited he feels, tapping him on the arm on occasion. 

After a while, the topics taper off. “We must get going,” Nari finally says. She unsubtly nudges Jaebeom by the elbow.

They both head out first. Nari says something along the lines of Park Jinyoung waiting for someone to arrive. He's staring blankly at the company building for two full seconds when Nari addresses him, tone caught in between stern and consoling.

“Hey, I know everything must be new for you and all, but it will get busier than this. You need to keep up.” Nari pats the side of his arm. She gives him a thumbs up before hailing a taxi.

Jaebeom swallows down the lump in his throat, regrets the way he acted today. He needs to get it together.

“Hyung, you’ve been staring at yourself all morning.” Youngjae crouches down and places a hand on Jaebeom’s shoulder. Jaebeom is seated cross-legged on the floor in front of a large mirror. Youngjae looks at Jaebeom's reflection, and stares at his face. “You’re wearing makeup?”

Jaebeom fiddles with a brush and glances down at his palettes. “Can I try putting these on you?” he asks weakly. He hasn’t stopped feeling nervous since the meeting.

“Sure, I guess.” Youngjae begins to sit beside him in the same manner. Jaebeom moves some of the bottles away so he won’t bump into them. When Youngjae finishes adjusting, his phone rings once. “Hold on, let me take this.” He unlocks his phone. “You can start on my eyebrows or something.”

Jaebeom recognizes the name on the screen as one of his former colleagues. Youngjae answers the call.

Youngjae talks with a lot of facial expressions even when on the phone, so trying to style up even his eyebrows is a challenge. Jaebeom shifts around as much as he could, the eyebrow liner held like a pen in his left hand, and stabilizing Youngjae’s head with the other. That proves unhelpful — and Youngjae shoves him away — so Jaebeom gives up and waits for him to end the call. 

As far as he could remember, Youngjae has always been the younger brother he never had. They’ve been flatmates for roughly a year now, and it was Youngjae’s idea to split the lease. Jaebeom met Youngjae when he used to work in production for that small theatre company, friendship catalyzed by the many group dinners the staff liked to organize. Youngjae was one of the lesser-known actors then, but now he’s gotten the main protagonist role in a musical, along with a blooming solo career. 

There’s a rehearsal schedule taped on their fridge. Jaebeom calculates the remaining weeks until the first show in his head. Youngjae’s call with a colleague before he arrives on set means something important.

The call lasts for a few more minutes. Jaebeom fills the time by using the eyelash curler on himself, and when Youngjae puts down his phone, he waits for Youngjae’s signal for him to continue.

“What time do you have to leave?” Jaebeom asks as he arranges the different containers of makeup on the floor for the nth time. He peeks at the labels to check if any of his cream foundations would suit Park Jinyoung.

Youngjae chuckles. “In five minutes.”

Jaebeom grabs him by the neck to position him in a headlock. Youngjae’s laughter rings throughout the room. Jaebeom eventually lets go when Youngjae uses an elbow to jab him in the stomach.

“You should be getting ready,” Jaebeom says, rubbing the attacked spot. Then he opens the resealable bag of cotton pads, gets a pad, and starts pouring makeup remover on it.

“I _am_ ready.” Youngjae fixes his hair. Jaebeom doubts it but he says nothing. Youngjae raises his chin and light hits his earrings, making them sparkle. “But what’s got you all fidgety?”

Jaebeom wipes across his cheek. “What do you mean?”

“You seem restless, hyung. Is it because of Eunhye noona?” Youngjae stands and walks back into his bedroom. Jaebeom waits for him to appear in the mirror again before answering.

“Noona’s hardly the cause.” Jaebeom sighs. He stops wiping his face to turn to his right and check if Youngjae’s listening. “Tomorrow’s my first day as a professional makeup artist.”

“The word _professional_ has weight, huh?” Youngjae approaches Jaebeom again to pat his head. 

“Yeah.” Jaebeom takes a deep breath and continues wiping at his eyelids. “I’m worried about my first day at work. Can you believe that?”

“You'll do well, hyung, trust me,” Youngjae says. Jaebeom doesn’t believe it but it’s nice to hear. A beat passes before Youngjae speaks again. “Thoughts on Park Jinyoung?”

“Didn't get to talk to him much,” Jaebeom says. “I hope I don't mess up his face.”

Instead of more encouragement, Youngjae sneers. “Is that all?”

“What?” Jaebeom dumbly asks.

“He has a pretty face.”

“And?”

“Totally your type.” Youngjae already moves away from Jaebeom as a reflex to whatever comes after teasing him.

“What?” Jaebeom repeats, subconsciously scrunching the cotton pad he’s holding.

“I’d say you have a crush, that’s why you’re worrying so much like a high-schooler,” Youngjae says with a smile. 

Jaebeom would stand up and grab him again, but Youngjae’s already halfway across the living room, getting his bags and preparing to leave.

“You’re stupid,” he settles on saying.

“And you're a coward,” Youngjae retorts. Jaebeom throws at him the now balled-up cotton pad. He successfully evades.

Jaebeom doesn’t want to confirm nor deny, so he proceeds to semi-aggressively continue removing his makeup. But he notices how flustered he looks, ever so transparent with emotion. Jaebeom sighs again.

“You're going to be late,” he tries to divert.

Youngjae ignores him. “Tell me all about it, okay?”

“Goodbye Youngjae-ssi.” Jaebeom scowls at his own reflection.

Youngjae snickers as he takes one last look at his phone and turns the doorknob. “See you tomorrow hyung,” he sing-songs, “I won’t be coming home tonight.”

“Text me when you do,” Jaebeom says automatically.

“Of course.” Youngjae closes the door behind him.

The next day, Jaebeom receives a text from Youngjae during his commute to work. It says: “ _Don’t make a fool out of yourself ♥ Good luck Jaebeom hyung ♥_ ”

Jaebeom smiles to himself and replies with “ _remember to eat your meals.._.” Youngjae hadn't come home yet when Jaebeom left, so Jaebeom set aside some food he made this morning and put it in the fridge with a note: _To Youngjae, I don't have a crush ^^_.

The bus halts to a stop. Jaebeom tugs at his black shirt with a huge print and looks at the sky as he exits. Gray clouds are gathering again, signifying another downpour sooner or later.

According to schedule, Jinyoung has an interview in the morning and two performance shoots in the afternoon. Jaebeom's attendance is required only for the last two. He's at the company building to grab his supplies, and Nari greets him when they bump into each other in the lobby. She's carrying bags of clothes, arms lined white from wherever the handles are latching on.

Jaebeom offers to carry some for her as courtesy. She beams at him and passes a couple of paper bags. They join the other staff members at the car park to wait for company transport.

During pre-idol arrival, what he dubbed it as, they arrange everything in the prep room as fast and efficiently as possible. The staff move independently to attend to their own responsibilities. Nari uncoils an extension cord and assists Jaebeom in plugging in the hairdryer and flat iron. After spreading out his materials by the vanity mirror, Jaebeom takes note of the products he brought with him and the ones provided by the company (which are actually quite a lot).

He's in the middle of making swatches of foundation on his arm, trying to match Park Jinyoung's tan based on how he recalls it, when they arrive. Dongsun knocks on the door to announce their presence before making verbal greetings. Park Jinyoung, with a face mask on, hovers by the entrance for a moment, and Haru picks up on it, immediately leading him to the changing room.

“Jaebeomie,” Nari says as if to remind him, “you're on makeup, and I'm on hair duty.”

In the meantime, Dongsun sorts through his cameras and assigns people their corners and angles to film from. They get to position quickly with a single order. At the same moment Jinyoung appears in the room again, they start recording.

“They'll ask us afterwards if we want to be seen on camera,” Nari tells Jaebeom. “If you want to skip that, wear a face mask as a nonverbal decline.”

So he crosses the room to put on the one he packed just in case, and almost bumps into the chair Jinyoung is about to sit on. Nari giggles before turning towards Jinyoung.

“Good afternoon Jinyoung-ssi,” she says. Jaebeom bows haphazardly.

Jinyoung smiles. “Please take care of me.”

They get to work as soon as Jinyoung settles. He takes a book and opens it on a folded page, and everything else proceeds in silence. Nari remains standing, and Jaebeom sits on a stool to see Jinyoung at eye level. He dabs moisturizer on Jinyoung’s cheeks, carefully recalling the detailed instructions on what Jinyoung should look like for today’s schedule. Nari combs his hair and follows it with the flat iron.

Applying makeup on other people is uneventful for the most part. Jaebeom’s hands move on autopilot, going through motions with the beauty blender as they come to mind. To the trained eye, he’s barely doing okay, and Nari catches him when the brush in his fingers wobble more than once. She gives him this look — lips a thin line, eyes boggling at him — and thankfully Jinyoung never catches his blunders. 

Eunhye had said before that time pressure is the running force of this job. Management loves the no-makeup makeup look, so at the very least, blemishes should be covered within the given minutes. Jinyoung only has a few small bumps and eyebags that could easily be fixed with a concealer, if not already handled by a full coverage foundation. He’s shaved cleanly as well so there are no other complications. An idol's skin is well taken care of by their dermatologist.

Responsibilities and clients aside, the experience Jaebeom gets from this better be worth it because the measly commission pay won't do much for him.

“Uh, Jinyoung-ssi, may I?” says Jaebeom.

Nari looks at him first. Jinyoung turns to him with a questioning hum. 

Jaebeom then lightly touches Jinyoung's chin and tilts his head upwards. He quickly checks Jinyoung's neck for any spots he missed. When he lets go, Jinyoung matches his stare, and Jaebeom is paralyzed under the intensity.

Whether Nari notices this or not, she doesn’t say anything. The moment breaks when Dongsun appears behind them with a camera. He asks Jinyoung to wave, and Jinyoung complies by turning back to the mirror, smiling and making finger hearts at Dongsun’s reflection.

He goes back to his book as soon as Dongsun leaves. Nari is finishing a few curls at the back of Jinyoung’s head, when she cleverly points at Jaebeom’s arm with the end of a comb. Jaebeom looks down, and sees that he still hasn’t removed the swatches from earlier. He stops working on Jinyoung’s eyebrows to grab a couple of wet wipes. Jinyoung makes a sound akin to a laugh, but he doesn’t look away from the book.

Jaebeom resumes working, own face feeling warm. He catches Nari giving him that look again.

They spend the remaining time of the session with no other distractions, just diligently styling up Park Jinyoung. Towards the end, while Nari is applying hairspray and Jaebeom is tracing the outline of Jinyoung’s upper lip with a small brush, Jinyoung’s mouth part to give way for him. Jaebeom tries to act like he anticipated it (no, his mind did not think of _anything else_ ). He fixes his grip on the brush, filling Jinyoung’s lips with a shade that fits him.

After they finish, Jaebeom observes Jinyoung’s face through the mirror. He can’t pinpoint what changed, or if anything changed at all. Jinyoung before and after virtually looks the same, maybe just more dolled up.

Jinyoung stands up to leave and thanks them with a smile. Both of them smile back. Then they continue to arrange the contents of the table and unplug what needs to be unplugged. The novelty of the job is wearing off, and although it’s not as busy as he expected, Jaebeom shortly realizes that his hopes and ideas back at the meeting room are still way far off from where he’s currently standing.

A few people enter the room, all dressed in black dress shirts and jeans. A staff member leads them to the side, inspects each of their clothes, and hands over ornaments to put on over their shoulders. Haru moves close and assists one of them.

“Backup dancers,” says Nari as an answer to Jaebeom’s silent curiosity.

Another person enters, looking out of place. He’s wearing casual clothes unlike the rest of the backup dancers. The man bows to everyone in the room and Dongsun approaches him.

“Hey Mark hyung,” says Jinyoung, “you’re free today?”

“Yeah, just stopping by,” Mark answers. “Hyungnim can film me too if he wants. I’ll ask permission for it later.”

Jaebeom and Nari move to a corner, out of camera view. A staff member invites them to grab some snacks available in the lounge. When they come back, Jinyoung is still talking to Mark, until Dongsun signals for Jinyoung to go to set.

The stage is designed like a front porch of a blue and yellow wooden house. They’re really pushing for the boyfriend vibe. Jinyoung stretches and goes through the choreo. Jaebeom and Nari wait on the sidelines, ready for whenever a retouch is needed. They watch Jinyoung do one run through of his performance before the cameras start rolling.

After one proper take, Jaebeom suddenly notices that Mark is standing next him. He’s a few inches shorter than him, with a handsome face and well-toned body. He’s smiling, and Jaebeom takes note of sharp teeth. Mark then takes a step closer to Jaebeom, and Jaebeom smells the fragrance of an expensive perfume. The staff members greet him whenever they pass by. His presence draws attention, despite the inconspicuous hoodie and sweatpants.

Then Mark turns to him. “Hello, sorry, can you take a picture of me over there?”

“Okay,” Jaebeom says. He receives Mark’s phone, and Mark pads to an area with good lighting. Large chunks of Jinyoung’s background props are caught within the frame.

Mark comes back after a couple of clicks. “Thank you,” he says. “You’re new here?”

“Yeah.” Jaebeom smiles. “Doing his makeup.”

“Oh right, Eunhye noona’s on leave,” Mark says.

“You know her?”

“She used to work for us.” Mark smiles.

The producer asks for one more take before they do a retouch. Jinyoung calls for Mark with a cheeky grin.

“We’re still up for tonight?” Mark asks. Jaebeom pauses from reapplying powder on Jinyoung for him to respond.

“I’ll text you. There’s a lot lined up for today,” Jinyoung says.

Mark pats him on the shoulder. “Okay. Good luck Jinyoungie. And your name is..?” He looks at Jaebeom.

“Jaebeom,” he supplies.

“Good luck Jaebeom-ssi,” Mark says.

Like he entered, Mark bids goodbye with a bow. Jinyoung doesn’t seem to mind that Mark asked for his name. Mark then waves at Jinyoung by the exit, exchanges a few words with Dongsun, and fully slips out of the studio.

Jaebeom resumes after a beat. A staff member approaches them again and asks Jinyoung to say a few words to the camera. This time Jaebeom simply persists, paying them no mind. He’s almost done when Nari playfully bumps his shoulder, and Jinyoung greets her with a smile. She starts by parting Jinyoung’s hair with the tail end of a comb, and the work’s over in a heartbeat. Haru then steps into Jinyoung’s space and fixes the lapels of his jacket.

This rotation goes on for a few more takes. Jinyoung occasionally does push-ups, plays in front of the camera, and converses with the backup dancers. There are some quiet moments, when Jinyoung would monitor the footage they’ve taken, or check his phone, and often he’d practice the choreo and check the blocking with the dancers.

Haru coughs pointedly behind Jaebeom, and Jaebeom jolts out of where he’s seated.

“Easy with the staring,” she whispers. “You can take a break, you know.”

Her breath smells of cigarettes and something sweet. Jaebeom licks his lips, already feeling the warmth travelling to his face. He doesn’t say anything else, and Haru passes by him like a breeze, her small figure disappearing to the back. No other words needed to be said anyway; he clearly understood her warning.

The schedule for the following day begins in similar fashion.

Having found out that the staff doesn’t have a real dress code (except for the unofficial rule of black), Jaebeom chooses to put on a simple dark blue jacket, patched up denim jeans, and a baseball cap.

Nari is dressed in a black tracksuit, carrying the outfits again with tenacity. The staff members are loud and lively at the car park. The ride to set is also entertaining in a way. One of them kept cracking jokes while making sure Jaebeom felt included. Later, during pre-idol arrival, Nari mentions something that sticks in Jaebeom’s mind.

“You’re the new kid, so they’re all keeping an eye out for you,” Nari says while she helps Jaebeom arrange the palettes. “Eunhye unnie totally went out of her way to get you in this.”

She doesn’t elaborate, but Jaebeom could tell what she meant. From the bits that Eunhye let Jaebeom know about the whole process of his employment, despite her insistent “leave it to me” and “you’ve got this” and other words of support, no one initially agreed on getting a replacement for Eunhye. The role would have been delegated to Nari or Haru, and either might have agreed because of the pay raise. It’s still largely a mystery how Eunhye managed to pull some strings and make a neat little box for Jaebeom to fit in. Well, all the more reason to not fuck this up.

Jinyoung comes into view, already wearing the outfit for today. Jaebeom repeats to himself, _do not fuck this up._

Dongsun greets the staff with delight, in direct contrast to Jinyoung looking dead tired as he bows. Jinyoung’s eyebags are more pronounced than usual and he can’t keep himself from nodding off, so Dongsun requested they stop recording him for now.

Regardless, when the cameras start rolling again, he does his best to appear alive. The first schedule is an ASMR video recording, where all Jinyoung needs to do is to become accustomed with whispering and make tapping and clicking sounds that would bring comfort to many fans. Hair and makeup styling is completed shortly, and since Jinyoung’s not going to move around a lot, he doesn't need a retouch.

The next schedule’s venue is in the same studio. Jinyoung would have to do a dance relay video with his dancers. Haru assists Jinyoung as he fits one arm through a cardigan sleeve, and the backup dancers are fixed up by Nari. They’re all going to be filmed properly this time, so Jaebeom makes full use of his skills to make their faces glow on video.

He works on Jinyoung last, who still seems spaced out. It’s amazing actually, with how Jinyoung could elicit another side of himself when he needs to. But here, seemingly at ease with the omnipresent surveillance, Jinyoung doesn’t hide that he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

Neither Nari nor Haru, much less Jaebeom, try to engage him in conversation as they do final touches. Jinyoung just swiftly moves on, joining his group of dancers, doing light stretches and practicing the choreo before the producer calls for them to set.

“Wonder what happened last night,” Nari says out of the blue. Jaebeom is seated beside her, and the rest of those in the sidelines quiet down and watch Jinyoung perform.

“Just a bad day, maybe,” Jaebeom says. “Happens to the best of us.”

Nari hums. She turns behind to look at Haru, who’s standing near a big fan.

“I think Haru unnie already knows.” Nari reaches into her bag to get a tissue. She wipes at her forehead. “She’s very perceptive.”

“I can tell,” Jaebeom says.

“Ah, you don’t get it?”

“Get what?”

“Lovers’ quarrel.” There’s a mischievous quality to Nari’s smile, like she’s expecting Jaebeom to react in a certain way.

But this is all none of their business. “Sorry to hear that,” Jaebeom says, having nothing else to add.

For some reason, Nari laughs. “Don’t worry Jaebeom-ah, I’m rooting for you.”

They return to the company building earlier than expected. Jinyoung had to catch a quick interview that came up on short notice. Lucky for them, the remaining schedule for the day is filming two dance practice versions, to be conducted in the company’s dance studio.

Like how the rest of the day went, Jinyoung didn’t need much styling. He changes to more casual-looking clothes curated by Haru, but instead of having his hair brushed up, Jinyoung chooses to wear a beanie. He still hasn’t spoken to any of them beyond the polite smile and bow.

While they recorded, the other staff members hung out in another room. It’s reminiscent of the time Jaebeom waited to be called by Nari, except all the members of the core team whose presence aren’t necessary in the dance studio, are now doing the same thing as him.

The huge windows provide an excellent visual of the city’s landscape at night. The sky looks darker than usual though, and moments later when they’re helping themselves to a late dinner and the others are packing up, the rain starts to pour.

“Do you think it’ll let up soon?” one staff member asks.

“A typhoon is expected to enter tonight. I just saw it online,” Haru says.

Jaebeom continues chewing on a piece of meat, listening to the ongoing chat. A few others offer their insights and the mood lightens up. It’s officially the end of the second day; the relief on everyone’s smiles is almost tangible. The dance practice recording ended late, at almost eleven, because one dancer got a cramp. The end of the day briefing time with the core team had to adjust accordingly.

“Jinyoung-ah,” Dongsun calls grimly. Jinyoung leaves his seat with the dancers to follow him outside.

By midnight, the storm is in full swing. They all made the miscalculation that it would pass in a few minutes or so, because half an hour in, the rain sustained its steady pour, large drops meeting concrete. 

Within those minutes, everyone tried to make themselves comfortable any way they can. It's late, and they have another schedule starting early afternoon lasting up until dawn, most likely. The weather showed no signs of letting up.

Nari stifles a yawn as she sinks down to the couch. “At this rate, I'm gonna have to call my boyfriend,” she says. There's a hint of sadness in her voice, unclear why.

“Is he nearby?” Jaebeom asks, just to continue the conversation. He's been staring at the large window panes across the room, watching the ominous night sky occasionally flash bright with lightning. Jinyoung's sleeping face is faintly reflected on the glass, and beside him is Dongsun angry whispering at the phone.

“He's a busy man,” Nari tells Jaebeom. “This place is out of his way.” She follows Jaebeom's line of sight, at the exact moment Jinyoung startles awake by the ringing of his phone. Jaebeom quickly shifts his gaze to the other staff arranging the contents of their bag.

Nari smiles. “You, do you have anyone who could pick you up?” 

He could ask a friend, Jaebeom answers in his mind. The first person he’d call would be Youngjae, but only if he was available tonight. Although, even then, it would be too much of a burden for him. Rehearsals near show day are always killer. 

“No, I'm good,” Jaebeom replies.

“Ride a taxi. The last bus has passed,” Nari says quietly, in the noona voice she mastered just for Jaebeom.

He nods. Nari stands up then to answer a call. The other staff hanging around the room start to huddle together. Jaebeom sits up straight, just in case they also call for him. 

“Everyone,” Dongsun suddenly says, “let's wait for the rain to pass at the lobby.”

They obediently comply, soon crowding the elevator down. The air feels a little bit damp inside. In the silence, Jaebeom lists his options in his mind. He could wait until his umbrella could bear the rain and hail a taxi, or he could book an expensive ride back home.

“Hyung, you don't need to drive me home,” Jinyoung says to his manager while they exit the elevator. It's within earshot; Jaebeom doesn’t mean to overhear.

He continues to walk to the designated waiting area, a few steps ahead of Jinyoung. There are three couches situated around a short table, lit by two lamps emitting yellow light. A floor air conditioner at the corner is set to the lowest temperature. The other staff discuss ride sharing, and as Jaebeom listens in, he realizes that they all live on the other side of the city. With a strained smile, Jaebeom informs them that he'll take a taxi.

They sit around the couches as they group themselves and decide who’s riding with who. Jaebeom moves past them and sits at a far corner, opposite the main entrance where a guard is in position. The air conditioner blows cold air directly to where he’s at.

Eventually, a couple of vehicles park near the entrance, their headlights blurry under the heavy rain. Nari taps on Jaebeom's shoulder to wave bye at him, then she runs to one of the cars. The remaining staff squabble around to gather their things. The brief noise manages to keep Jaebeom awake while they all exchange see-you-laters with each other.

The people thin out until only four remain. Haru's ride arrives first. The car blares its horn twice and catches everyone's attention. She offers a quick apology across the room before waving at the driver.

Jaebeom blinks away the tiredness in his eyes to check the rain. Still relentless, the walk to the main road won't be worth it if he'll catch a cold and miss the schedule later. The time limit he set for himself is 1:30 am, so until then, he’s going to wait for the rain to pass.

Haru approaches him. “Be careful, Jaebeom-ah.” It sounded like a thinly veiled order, as with the air of authority that surrounds her. 

“You too,” he responds. 

Haru moves on to talk to Jinyoung and Dongsun. Jaebeom distracts himself by taking out his phone. He reads Youngjae's text that he won't be coming home for the rest of the week, before moving to instagram and checking the feed he’s seen a hundred times over since the day started. 

“Seriously, I'll be fine. Bambam already agreed.” Jaebeom hears Jinyoung's voice again. He didn't notice them moving near his area. There's a muffled voice coming from a phone, as Jaebeom catches Dongsun also talking to someone else.

“He's on his way?” 

“Yes.”

“Okay, I'll come by there early.” Dongsun sighs. “Terribly sorry for this.”

“Don't worry about it,” Jinyoung says lightly. 

Jaebeom looks up then as Dongsun faces his direction. 

“How about you, Jaebeom-ah? It's already so late,” he says.

“It is.” Jaebeom offers a small smile. “I'll wait a little longer and see my options. Good night Dongsun hyung.”

Jinyoung sits at the other end of the couch. With only the two of them left, and the guards a considerable distance away, the air feels more humid and thick. There's this awkward tension, like they're about to breach unfamiliar territory.

Jaebeom puts his phone back in his pocket. Jinyoung clears his throat. 

“How is Eunhye noona?” Jinyoung is the first to break the silence. It’s also the first thing Jinyoung had said to him all day.

Jaebeom barely hears, too occupied with his fidgety hands (from the cold?), so he lifts his eyebrows in the manner of asking to repeat what Jinyoung just said. 

“Eunhye noona? She's near term?” Jinyoung asks.

Right, Eunhye. When was the last time they spoke again?

“She's doing okay, I think,” Jaebeom replies. “We haven't really talked much this week.”

Jinyoung nods. The room falls silent again, aside from the ever-present backdrop of rain. 

“Did she mention if the baby's a boy or a girl?”

“Sorry, I'm not too sure.”

Jinyoung laughs. “It's okay. We'll find out in time.”

A guard passes by and lifts his cup as a greeting. Jaebeom bows slightly as a response, then he turns his head and sees the glow of an operating vending machine by the end of the hall.

“Coffee?” he asks Jinyoung.

“Sure.”

The short walk seemed to dispel the uneasiness. Jaebeom takes out a coin purse while Jinyoung is already pressing the button of his chosen coffee. The machine dispenses a black can underneath, and the clinking sound of spare change comes after. 

Jaebeom takes his time to scan the other beverages. Most of the shelves are stocked with different kinds of coffee, in varying concentrations and flavors. The glow makes them easily distinguishable. A few seconds more, and he sees the usual one he gets. 

“Doesn't that contain more water than coffee?” Jinyoung asks while Jaebeom bends down to grab his can.

Jaebeom pulls the ring tab over and takes a sip. “It's my favorite,” he says honestly. 

Jinyoung hums. Jaebeom doesn’t know what to make of it.

“I'm not sorry,” Jinyoung then says, sort of playful. “I can recommend you better brands if you want.”

Jaebeom considers for a moment if he's even that into caffeine. He lets the taste linger on his tongue before gulping down the rest. 

“Next time,” says Jaebeom. He slots the empty can into a recycling bin beside the machine. 

Jinyoung follows suit. “Next time, huh?”

Jaebeom doesn’t respond to that. They walk back to the lounge with Jinyoung ahead. From behind, Jaebeom looks around the building. Each step feels hollow, and the dimmed out spaces kind of distorts reality. It’s like they’re thrown into another dimension.

Both of them remain quiet as they sit back down on the same couch. Jinyoung is still at the opposite end, which feels a little distant. The rain has noticeably weakened, but around two minutes later, it comes back with the same force as before.

Jaebeom toes off his shoes and props his feet on the couch. He lets his head rest against the leather upholstery, baseball cap sliding off in the process. Jaebeom ignores where it’s fallen for a second as he closes his eyes. 

“Hello?” Jinyoung answers a call. Jaebeom tries to block out the sound. 

“Yeah, I’m still here. Where are you?” Jinyoung spoke in a much lower voice. Jaebeom could guess it’s because Jinyoung doesn’t want to disturb him. “Do I have a choice? — okay, okay, I know, I owe you one — drive safely.”

Jaebeom takes this as his cue to indicate he’s awake with a yawn. Jinyoung places the cap on one of Jaebeom’s thighs.

He glances down at the cap. “Do you watch baseball?” Jaebeom asks instead of a thanks.

“No, I’m more of a football fan.”

“Me too.” Jaebeom combs his hair back with his fingers. “I used to play, never got good at it.”

“I was in my high school’s team,” Jinyoung says. 

“You must have been good.”

Jinyoung smiles. “Probably.”

A car passes by then, and Jinyoung instinctively checks his phone if there’s a new message. He finds none.

“We're around the same age I think.” Jinyoung speaks again, putting his phone down on the center table. Its black case almost blends in with the surface.

“Is that so?” Jaebeom scratches behind his ear. It’s a random topic, but sure. “I thought I was older than you.”

“You went to college?” Jinyoung asks.

“Yeah.” Jaebeom contemplates for a fraction of a second if he should say more. “For film.”

“Interesting choice.” Jinyoung crosses his legs.

“Is this an interview?” Jaebeom asks with a brash undertone, so he immediately adds: “Sorry, just wondering.”

“No.” Jinyoung pushes down a laugh. “No, it’s okay.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. There is a shift in the mood and it’s all Jaebeom’s fault.

Nobody says anything for a full minute.

Jinyoung turns to face him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah — you don’t have to ask permission.” Jaebeom clears his throat. “What is it?”

Jinyoung’s eyes grow soft under the yellow light. “Are you happy with where you are right now?”

The question hangs in the air. Jaebeom looks away. “I don’t know.”

Jinyoung takes in his answer quietly. The rain visibly weakens, just in time as Jaebeom’s phone rings.

“Hyung are you at home?” Youngjae says, almost screams. He’s trying to talk over the background music.

“Not yet,” Jaebeom answers. “What’s up?”

“What? You’re still at work? Going for employee of the month?” Youngjae laughs.

“Very funny, are you drunk?”

“No!” Youngjae finally yells. “A couple of drinks, I’ll be fine —” Youngjae gets interrupted by someone and Jaebeom hears him mutter a curse. “Listen, I left a very important box at the counter by the fridge. It’s not mine, so as soon as you see it, text me, send a picture.”

“Am I supposed to be concerned?” Jaebeom intently does not look at Jinyoung, knowing how his end of the call sounds.

“It’s not dangerous.” Youngjae exhales loudly. “You’ll know it when you see it. Later, hyung!”

Youngjae ends the call before Jaebeom gets to speak again. He shoots Youngjae a message instead, as an afterword: “ _don’t die lol._ ”

The rain patters to a drizzle. It’s currently ten minutes until the deadline Jaebeom set. Jinyoung doesn’t look like he wants to talk more, so Jaebeom keeps quiet, stretching his legs and sliding into his shoes.

The drizzle continues for five more minutes; a prime chance to leave.

“Jinyoung-ssi, I’ll be heading off first,” he says. He puts on his cap back and slings his bag over his shoulders.

“Good night,” Jinyoung says.

Jaebeom bows before standing up and moving out the revolving doors. He stays by the sidewalk for a moment to feel the strength of the rain drops on his palm. Then he fishes around in his bag for the umbrella, only to discover it’s not in there.

In subdued panic, Jaebeom opens all the pockets where it's plausible to contain the umbrella. Gradually realizing that it’s futile, he racks his brain to recall when and where he must have misplaced the umbrella. Jaebeom hasn’t needed it since the first time he went here — of course.

Jaebeom goes back inside. He glances at the empty metal rack beside the door. The guard approaches him.

“Hello, have you seen a foldable black umbrella?” Jaebeom asks.

The guard shakes his head solemnly. “Someone might have found it, but storage is closed until someone begins their shift later.”

Jaebeom sighs, giving up. Any minute now, the rain might pick up again, could go on again for another hour. He should just make a run for it.

“Jaebeom-ssi,” Jinyoung says, walking towards him. “Take mine.” He hands over a dark green umbrella with a case.

“You don’t have to —”

“It’s fine.” Jinyoung smiles. “Take care on your way home.”

The third day begins with a headache. Jaebeom had trouble sleeping in spite of how much he longed for his bed on the ride home. He’d pin the blame on the coffee, though it’s actually because he kept going through the conversation he had with Jinyoung.

After sending Youngjae a picture of a bright red box, he couldn’t stop thinking about happiness and whatnot. The strange thing about this fixation is that there wasn’t much to uncover in the first place. They had small talk, they were being polite. More likely than not, Jinyoung had meant them to be taken at face value. But behind all that, there’s this _something_ , a certain quality Jinyoung evoked then. He can’t figure it out.

Jaebeom skipped the staff carpool to go to the pharmacy. He bought some vitamins and medicine for his headache. The route to the first schedule’s studio is close to where he’s coming from, so traffic shouldn’t be a problem.

The medicine doesn't take effect right away, and the short trip on the bus left him with no opportunities to nap. He’s surprised to find that he arrived much earlier than the other staff, once he sees that Jinyoung is the only person in the dressing room.

Jinyoung is seated by the mirror, wearing a mustard yellow sweater and black-framed glasses. A half-eaten burger and cup of iced coffee are placed on the table. He doesn’t give any indication about noticing another person’s presence as he’s preoccupied with his phone.

Jaebeom closes the door and pads to a corner to place his backpack and the makeup bag.

Jinyoung briefly looks up from his phone. “You’re early.”

“Where’s everybody?” Jaebeom asks.

“The shoot’s been delayed by two hours,” answers Jinyoung, then he puts his phone down and takes a bite out of the burger.

Jaebeom pulls out his phone and checks the work chat. It’s exactly as Jinyoung said.

“Shit, I didn’t see this,” Jaebeom says, more as a reprimand to himself.

“I think they’ve gone out to eat before going here,” says Jinyoung, at the exact moment Jaebeom is reading the very conversation. “That’s what it says in the group chat at least.”

“Thanks.” Jaebeom sighs.

Jinyoung nods and returns to his phone.

The room is actually smaller than it looks like by the door. Jaebeom sits down on a chair beside the bags, and tries to read up some more on the messages he missed.

After a while, Jinyoung groans loudly. Jaebeom turns to him and sees he’s been playing a game.

“Everything okay?” Jaebeom asks.

“Yeah, don’t mind me.” Jinyoung drops the phone in his lap, and grabs the cup of iced coffee. “You can still catch up to the others. There’s plenty of time.”

“Still thinking about it.” Jaebeom actually wants to take a nap instead. “Where’s Dongsun hyung?”

“In the other room. He’ll be back in an hour.” Jinyoung drains the cup in one long sip. Jaebeom considers asking why his manager’s not with him, but he’s not really curious about that.

“You’re not going there?” Jaebeom asks.

“I’m waiting for someone.” Jinyoung smiles, kind of mysterious.

They have two hours to kill then. Jaebeom brings his attention back to his phone, until he remembers the borrowed umbrella. He gets it from his backpack and gravitates towards Jinyoung.

“Here’s your umbrella, Jinyoung-ssi. Thank you,” Jaebeom says.

Jinyoung nods and places it on top of his bag under the desk. “No problem.”

Jaebeom just scratches the back of his neck, nothing else to say. He retreats to his chair and listens to the ticking of the wall clock. A two-hour vacant period feels too long, so Jaebeom picks up the makeup bag and decides to arrange them by the vanity mirror to have something to do. He won’t be going out soon anyway.

He asks for Jinyoung to move aside the burger, which Jinyoung finally finishes.

Jaebeom starts by putting out all the containers and arranging them the way he's used to. He opens up a big palette, pushes it to the side, wipes clean the acrylic brush holders, and lines up the tubes in order of largest to smallest. He does all of this, while Jinyoung watches beside him. The pre-idol arrival routine, except the idol got in here first.

“How different is this from film?” Jinyoung asks.

Jaebeom laughs as he puts the bag aside. “Kinda different.”

Jinyoung smiles, the type that reaches his eyes. Jaebeom feels like he's been punched in the gut.

“Was it difficult?” Jinyoung presses. “I just know the basics.”

Jaebeom fixes a misaligned lipstick. “During college — during military service, I thought a lot about wanting to try different things,” he explains. “It’s hard, putting yourself out there. I met Eunhye noona while I was scouring through workshops and internships. You might have heard?”

“Not that part, honestly.” Jinyoung leans forward to check the table. “Eunhye noona can be strict.”

“Yeah, though she's also kind, since I'm here.”

Jinyoung sifts through the lipsticks and picks up a shade from Tom Ford. Jaebeom hasn’t really put it on Jinyoung since it’s not mandatory, but he keeps it on the table for the sake of being filmed on camera as Jinyoung’s endorsement.

“I don't think I've used this one,” says Jinyoung, then he faces his reflection and applies it starting from his cupid's bow.

It ends up kind of messy, even after Jinyoung smacks his lips together to spread the deep red color.

Jaebeom fixes the smudge on Jinyoung's upper lip with a thumb. “They wanted me to use it, but I don't think it suits you.”

Jinyoung smirks while putting the cap back on the lipstick. He glances at his reflection and bursts out laughing.

“You're right,” Jinyoung says. He reaches for the tissue and wipes off, leaving a lighter, more natural-looking red. “Hey, do you mind if I try putting some on you?”

Jaebeom's mind momentarily clears of any thought, then everything rushes back in. It's good to build a healthy working relationship with Jinyoung, but does his request fall under that? Would it be better to decline?

They've barely made a dent on the accidental two-hour break. He shouldn't entertain this, he's not obligated to anyway —

“Sorry, I asked for something stupid,” Jinyoung retracts.

“No, it's cool,” Jaebeom blurts out, heart reigning over brain.

The way Jinyoung's face brightens actually hurts, like a literal squeeze in his chest.

Jinyoung beckons to him, so Jaebeom pulls his chair closer. Jaebeom guides Jinyoung on what to do, giving concise instructions. Because he can’t look anywhere else, Jaebeom concentrates on how Jinyoung discerns through the many containers spread on the table. Jinyoung sets aside the ones he’s chosen.

“I washed my hands,” Jinyoung says softly. He tucks a stray lock of hair behind Jaebeom’s ear.

Jaebeom doesn't have the time to catch his breath, doesn't have the capacity to react to what just happened. He coughs while Jinyoung applies foundation on his forehead, and Jinyoung withdraws his hand.

“Water?” Jinyoung asks.

Jaebeom shakes his head, trying and failing to meet Jinyoung's eyes. Whatever emotion Jaebeom's face is showing, it amuses Jinyoung, and he continues to spread the foundation evenly with a small smile.

“Your skin is perfect. What products do you use?” Jinyoung asks as he opens a tube of concealer.

Jaebeom focuses on the spot past Jinyoung's shoulder this time. “I don't do much.”

“Not fair,” Jinyoung says. “Can't compete with good genes, I guess.”

They don't speak much afterwards, unless Jinyoung asks what to do next. The hospitable silence allowed Jaebeom to collect himself, heartbeat returning to normal.

Jinyoung takes his time choosing what eyeshadow to apply on Jaebeom. His fingers spin the brush while he scans the open palettes.

“We can skip that,” says Jaebeom.

“But this would look good, right?” Jinyoung points at a glittery pink shade.

“You're making fun of me,” Jaebeom almost whines.

“Nope,” says Jinyoung, grinning. “I'm dead serious.” He laughs under his breath, not very convincing.

“Fine,” Jaebeom gives in. “As long as I can remove it after.”

“Sure, we're just playing anyway.”

“Playing?” asks Jaebeom.

“I have two older sisters,” tells Jinyoung. Jaebeom closes his eyes as Jinyoung covers one eyelid with the shade he picked. Jinyoung's hand is warm and firm on his cheek. “So you can imagine. Sometimes I had to do things like this.”

Once Jinyoung is done, he lets Jaebeom look at his own reflection in the mirror. The eyeshadow is barely there, at most a hint of pink. The irregular streaks of eyeliner are more prominent.

“It's tolerable,” says Jaebeom, half-lying.

“Jaebeom-ssi.” Jinyoung calls for his attention as he uncaps a lipstick. Jaebeom waits for him to move.

Jinyoung grabs a lip brush and dips it into the tube. He lifts Jaebeom’s chin at a comfortable height, and rests his hand near Jaebeom’s lips.

Jaebeom tenses up under his touch.

“Are you waiting for something?” Jinyoung says, voice low and suggestive. Jaebeom is instantly drawn to his eyes.

There’s a lump in Jaebeom's throat that he can’t force down. Jinyoung renders him speechless with his gaze alone. Jaebeom’s body feels like it’s burning, sparked with anticipation. And adding fuel to the fire, Jinyoung steadily strokes down his cheek. If they’re in the same wavelength, if Jinyoung truly wants this too, then everything about this that Jaebeom denied would turn out to be true.

Jinyoung is so close Jaebeom hears the wet parting of his lips. They both lean further, until the space between is a mere breath. And then, Jinyoung’s phone rings.

They jump at the sound. Jaebeom moves back, grabbing a wipe, and leans far back to the chair. Jinyoung ducks his head down, in blatant disappointment, as he picks up his phone.

“Hello, Mark hyung?” Jinyoung's voice is well controlled.

Jaebeom drags the chair farther, then reaches for the whole pack of wipes. He stands up abruptly, heart beating too fast, the floaty feeling replaced with crashing back to the floor. He turns his back on the table, away from view, while meticulously removing the make up from his face.

He doesn't look at Jinyoung when he says he's going out.

Nothing else happens, except Jaebeom doesn't let Jinyoung talk to him about it.

Jaebeom walked around the vicinity until his legs hurt. It's an attempt to think it over, though no matter which direction he took, how much he kept going in circles literally and figuratively, he couldn't make up a clear explanation. _What the fuck was that?_

He didn't go back inside until he saw the other staff members arriving. They had no idea what took place, so Jaebeom pretended to be unfazed, a clean act of taking it in stride.

For the remaining days in the first week, Jaebeom kept his distance and only did what was necessary. There weren't many chances to address it either. The time allotted for styling was faithfully followed, and once they're done, Jinyoung immediately proceeded to set.

Then the rest day came. If there was even a tiny chance of talking with Jinyoung, it has to be pushed to next week.

“Hey, thought you weren't going to be home this week,” says Jaebeom, lying shirtless on the carpeted floor. Soft jazz music is blaring from the speakers, then the volume lowers to sound out a series of notification pings. He ignores them smoothly.

“Miss me?” Youngjae asks, shutting the door. “Gotta shower and pack more clothes, then the place is all yours for tonight.”

“I don't.” Jaebeom curls on his side, head propped up on one hand. “Are you staying over at someone's place?”

Youngjae grins as he peels off his parka. “Yeah.”

“Is it another actor or have you learned by now?”

Youngjae rolls his eyes, then disappears into his room. Jaebeom goes back to relaxing. A few minutes pass, and Youngjae sits beside him, wearing a new pair of washed jeans and a white shirt. He dries his hair with a towel in silence with his phone placed on in front. Jaebeom sees the time when the screen lights up, 6:13 pm.

“Hyung, have you eaten dinner yet?” asks Youngjae, now reattaching his silver earrings.

“I ate lunch like an hour ago. Why?” Jaebeom says. No obligations for the day means he could sleep in and eat whenever he wants. Clean up and inventory checking took longer than expected last night so he deserves this.

“I got hired to do vocal lessons for someone. And that student asked me out.”

Jaebeom sits up. “Hold on, didn’t you say you were seeing someone?”

“I was messing with you.” Youngjae folds the sleeves of his shirt. “I’m staying over at my aunt’s house.”

“And what about your student?”

“He’s older than me, practically the same age as you,” Youngjae tells him. “It’s not a date, strictly speaking, just invited me to dinner with his friend.”

“So you want me to come along as _your_ friend.” Jaebeom scratches his bare chest, piecing together what Youngjae is implying. Another ping disrupts the music. “If I decline?”

“I’ll treat you,” Youngjae says begrudgingly, and it’s all the motivation Jaebeom needs to stand up and get ready.

They take the train at rush hour, because apparently Youngjae’s student wants Youngjae to try the food in one of the best restaurants in Seoul. The place is only two stations away, so their suffering inside a jam-packed vehicle isn’t for long.

“Youngjae, I know you've figured it out from the start,” Jaebeom says as they alight. Youngjae walks alongside him, carrying a duffel bag. They cut through the dense crowd to exit the station.

“That his friend's gonna bail on him?” asks Youngjae.

“Yup.”

Youngjae cocks his head to the direction of the restaurant. “Well, hyung likes free shit,” he says.

Jaebeom follows his lead. “You're not gonna hook me up with your student, are you?”

“No,” Youngjae says sharply. “You fucking wish.”

Jaebeom laughs. “So what's the catch?”

“You'll like him.” Youngjae smiles. “High chance that you two will become friends.”

“I don't even know his name,” Jaebeom counters.

Youngjae squints at him. “Give me ten thousand won if I’m right.”

“Deal.” Jaebeom grins.

They turn around the corner and see the entire street filled with life. Many people are walking around, making animated chatter and with colorful drinks in hand. Youngjae walks towards a place with a neon orange sign. Jaebeom follows closely behind.

The restaurant is an open area, surrounded by twinkling fairy lights and wooden fences. There are several tents overhead the sleek black tables and rust colored chairs. It’s busy, and waiters dressed in emerald green uniforms are all moving about. The overall ambience is nice and private, a marriage between cozy and sophisticated. 

“Youngjae seonsaengnim!” Someone calls from one of the tables near the entrance. Youngjae twists his head first. They both see a man wearing a cap, shadow obstructing half of his face. His toothy smile glints under the pendant light.

Youngjae stops moving for a second. Before Jaebeom could joke about it, Youngjae hurriedly says, “I forgot something. You go to him first.” Then he runs off to the restroom.

Jaebeom stands there, dumbfounded. He glances at the man and guesses the same reaction, so Jaebeom trudges to the table and sits down to offer an explanation. Up close, the stranger looks oddly familiar. He’s well-built, has round button eyes, and a handsome and friendly face that should be recognizable, but he can’t associate a name.

“Hi,” says the man. “What happened to Youngjae-ssi?”

“Bathroom break. He’ll be here soon,” Jaebeom tells him. “I’m his friend and flatmate.”

“Oh — uh, I was supposed to bring a friend along too, but he couldn’t make it,” the man says.

Jaebeom bites his lip to tamp down a smile. Conveniently, Youngjae chooses this moment to appear. His hair is styled up, and Jaebeom catches a whiff of a perfume that he wasn’t wearing earlier.

Youngjae sits down between the man and Jaebeom. The scent becomes stronger, and Jaebeom swears that he’s encountered this before, he’s met someone using the same perfume, but _when?_

“Wang Jackson,” the man says with a smile. He stands up a bit and stretches his hand across the table.

Jaebeom shakes it slowly, struck once again with a strong sense of familiarity.

“Lim Jaebeom,” he says. “Have we met before?”

Youngjae eyes both of them carefully. The small smile on his face seems suspicious.

“Not yet?” Jackson pauses, retreating to his chair. “But I’m pleased to meet you.”

“Me too.” Jaebeom smiles.

Jackson smiles back, then he turns to Youngjae. “Sorry Yugyeom couldn’t join us. The kid had something to do at the last minute,” he explains.

Something finally clicks in Jaebeom’s mind. He pulls his phone out of his pocket so fast that it almost slides off his jeans.

“Good evening,” a waiter greets them. He sets down three menus on the table and informs them to call for him when they have decided.

Youngjae and Jackson continue talking with each other about something as they browse the menu, whereas Jaebeom hides his phone under the table, going on naver to search for Park Jinyoung.

The first page results immediately load, and links about Jinyoung’s idol and acting career, the subsequent disbandment, and his present activities are all available for access. He clicks on a comprehensive site, and it doesn’t take much scrolling down to see the section about his former bandmates, in order of appearance, Mark Tuan, Jackson Wang, Bambam, and Kim Yugyeom.

The perfume Youngjae’s wearing — Jaebeom finally connects — smells a lot like Mark’s. He presses on Jackson Wang’s name and skims over a long list of his endorsement deals, including many luxury perfumes. It doesn’t take long to conclude that Mark’s and Youngjae’s perfumes came from Jackson.

Jaebeom then switches to the messages app, planning to scream at Youngjae quietly.

“ _what the fuck is this!!_ ” Jaebeom types. He turns on silent mode before he hits send.

The waiter returns with a pitcher of water and three tall glasses. Youngjae’s phone loudly pings. Jaebeom lifts his head and glares at him as Youngjae unlocks his phone with a satisfied smile. Youngjae doesn’t even hide the fact that he’s enjoying this.

Seconds later, Jaebeom’s phone vibrates, and the only response he gets from Youngjae is “😊.” Jaebeom rubs his face with both hands in frustration.

“Everything okay, man?” Jackson asks.

“Something wrong with work, hyung?” Youngjae has the nerve to ask.

Jaebeom takes one deep breath, throwing aside contempt to bring back civility. “No, everything’s cool.” He relaxes his shoulders. “So, what are you guys getting?”

For a short while, they discuss the best-selling dishes like wannabe food critics. Jackson highly regards the quality and texture of the noodles in this one dish, and Jaebeom ends up choosing it based on his recommendation. The waiter soon arrives, taking their orders and carrying the menus away.

Youngjae speaks to Jackson. “Outside the lessons, you don’t have to call me seonsaengnim. You’re like the same age as this guy anyway.” Youngjae is smiling so much his cheeks must be hurting by now.

“Really?” says Jackson cheerfully. “When were you born Jaebeom-ssi?”

“I’m a case of early birth, sixth of January, 1994,” he answers.

“Ah early birth. I honestly don’t get it, but that means I have to call you hyung.” Jackson leans against the table. “What’s your work about, Jaebeom hyung?” Jackson enunciates his name like he’s getting used to it.

Jaebeom glances at Youngjae, who’s taking a swig off his glass of water. “Right now, I’m a stylist,” Jaebeom says. “And you?”

“That’s awesome, if ever you’re free I’d like to hit you up. I could use some tips every now and then,” Jackson says. “As for me, just camping out at the studio, making songs as much as I can. I’m trying out a new style, and Youngjae-ssi’s helping me with reaching high notes.”

“Just Youngjae is fine,” Youngjae says. “I’ve known Jackson hyung for two months now, but he’s only been attending lessons once or twice?”

“Thrice,” Jackson corrects. “After your play, we could resume soon.”

“Sounds good.” Youngjae grins.

These two aren’t even being subtle with how they look at each other. The conversation about scheduling continues, and they talk along with sweet not-so-hidden touches and fondness in their smiles. Jaebeom has been unfortunately designated as the third wheel.

It’s with luck that Jackson doesn’t know who he works for, so Jaebeom doesn’t dwell on how Youngjae somewhat tricked him. He zones back in as Youngjae mentions something about his family and current living conditions.

“My aunt’s away for two weeks so I’m actually house sitting,” Youngjae says. “Jaebeom hyung is alone at the apartment for now.”

Jaebeom hasn’t heard about this before, because they’ve both been busy with different things. Now that he’s thinking about it, this is the only time they’ve hung out since Youngjae’s schedule became hectic. They don’t share things much over text or call either.

“Yeah,” Jaebeom chimes in. “But I’m also not at home often since I took the job.”

“It does take a lot of work,” Jackson agrees. “Especially if your talent is actively promoting.”

The waiter arrives then, carrying a tray full of their food. He sets down the bowls and plates according to who ordered what, and places the utensils around them.

They all eat quietly for a minute, until Jackson speaks again.

“Tell me hyung,” Jackson says. “Are there any funny moments so far? Back then, that was a favorite among the staff. I’m pretty sure they were more entertained with watching us in the waiting rooms than our performances.”

Jaebeom thinks for a moment, a finger scratching at his temple. “Don’t really recall anything funny, but there _is_ something that happened.”

He meets Jackson’s inquisitive eyes. Youngjae looks at him while taking in a mouthful of soup. Jaebeom continues, “No names, and nothing gets out of this table. You’re with me?”

“Is this serious?” Youngjae asks, concerned.

“I’ll tell you, and you guys be the judge.” Jaebeom chugs down his water. The events of the past few days resurface. He edits as he parses through them, withholding the crucial parts. If Youngjae catches on (and he certainly will), he trusts that he won’t say a word to Jackson.

He continues, “It’s sorta complicated, so I’ll start off with this: what if one of your superiors tries to kiss you?”

Jaebeom picks up his chopsticks and eats, letting them absorb what he said for a minute.

“An office romance?” Youngjae asks.

“Or sexual harassment?” Jackson adds. “We need more details, hyung.”

“It's about someone close to me.” Jaebeom licks his lips. “My friend became too comfortable with someone important, and that someone important tried to kiss my friend.”

Jackson wipes his mouth with a napkin. “If it isn't too much trouble for your friend, they should report it to HR.”

Youngjae keeps quiet, listening intently.

“It's not that big of a deal as it sounds,” Jaebeom tells them. “More to do about how my friend should act after everything that happened, than, uh, invading someone's personal space.”

“Meaning?” Youngjae asks.

“I mean, okay, something like an office romance.”

Jackson visibly loosens up, sinking into his seat. “Does your friend like that important person?”

Jaebeom pauses. “Well, that important person isn't unattractive...” He trails off, feeling the rush of blood to his face.

Youngjae chokes on his noodles, and Jackson immediately moves closer to assist him. Jaebeom chooses not to hear the worried noises Jackson is making.

Jaebeom recalibrates his approach in his head as Youngjae drinks the water Jackson poured for him.

“Feeling better?” Jaebeom asks, handing him a napkin.

“Yeah, continue.” Youngjae waves him off. Jackson returns to his seat properly.

“I’ll clarify,” Jaebeom says. “My friend and the important person don’t have anything going on exclusively. They were working together like usual, then weird tension, spur of the moment thing.”

Jackson furrows his eyebrows. He scrapes off sauce on the side of his plate with a spoon. “Okay, they were flirting,” he says, and Youngjae laughs. “Don’t see what’s wrong with it.”

“They weren’t supposed to be,” Jaebeom insists. “And they didn’t kiss.”

Youngjae hums. “Why didn’t they?”

“Interrupted.” Jaebeom drains his glass. He calls for the waiter to order a different beverage.

“Oh, I thought your friend _backed away_ ,” Jackson says. “The person’s a superior, you say?”

“Yes,” Jaebeom says. “As much as the workplace hierarchy goes.”

“ _Your_ workplace,” Youngjae emphasizes. “Looks like a sensitive situation.”

“Exactly.” Jaebeom nods. “They haven’t spoken to each other yet, and my friend doesn’t know what to do.”

The waiter arrives again with three milkshakes. Jackson receives his as the waiter puts the glass down midway.

“You’re a kind friend to ask advice on their behalf,” Youngjae remarks. Jaebeom glares at him, while Jackson chuckles.

“The important person is probably as confused as your friend,” Jackson says. “It would’ve been easier if they had kissed.”

“You think so?” Jaebeom says as he straightens up.

Then a moment of silence comes. Jackson scoops up the remaining rice on his plate. Youngjae circles the edge of the glass with a finger. Then Youngjae says, “No better way to deal with it than confrontation.”

“They could also shove it all under a rug, if your friend doesn’t want it to progress,” Jackson says.

Jaebeom finishes his soup. He places the chopsticks beside the bowl. “I can’t speak for their feelings,” he begins, “but you think they could be something more if they talk?”

“Yeah, if they want to,” Jackson says. “Happens all the time especially if you’re always together. They could be open about it too, if policy’s fine with that.”

Youngjae opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it. He sips on his milkshake instead while looking straight at Jaebeom. Jaebeom purposely fixes his eyes on Jackson.

“Wishing all the best to your friend.” Jackson smiles. “They’ll work it out.”

Jaebeom rides the train alone. The people commuting with him have significantly lessened, and the enclosed space with a bunch of strangers gives a unique sense of peace.

Youngjae's off to his aunt's house, escorted by Jackson. After Jackson offered to pay for their meals tonight, Jaebeom wouldn’t dare deprive him of spending more quality time with Youngjae, even though he wanted to expound on his story. Maybe some other time.

One more station until his stop. Jaebeom’s phone vibrates in his pocket.

“ _Park Jinyoung attacked first wow_ ,” Youngjae messages. “ _who wouldve thought_ 😛”

“ _Jackson is cute..._ ” Jaebeom brings up instead. And before Youngjae responds, Jaebeom transfers ten thousand won to his account.

“ _Thx generous hyung. Go get ur kiss ♡,”_ replies Youngjae.

Jaebeom stops himself from saying something mean. He texts Youngjae, “ _good night_ ,” paying no attention to the previous messages.

He arrives home with a light feeling, like he shook off a weight that's been holding him down. After brushing his teeth and changing to pajamas, Jaebeom snuggles a pillow on his bed. He's not sleepy at all, so he checks the messages he's been ignoring all day and waits for his eyes to get tired.

Except for Youngjae’s message about stopping by, most of the notifications came from the work chat. Just reminders for next week, and someone sent helpful checklists of stuff to coordinate with key persons and such. Jinyoung won't be attending any mainstream music shows, so there’s no need for production to construct elaborate stages for this week.

Jaebeom scrolls up to read a list again. There's a lot of radio shows and promotional videos, and a magazine shoot by Sunday. No explicit message about the attendance of backup dancers, so Jaebeom's sole focus will be Jinyoung. He spins to the other side of the bed. Another day of having to stomach the friction to survive.

The sun is at the edge of the horizon, painting the sky blue and gold. Jaebeom joined the carpool today, and was one of the first to arrive at the car park, earning him a window seat privilege. Haru’s next to him, dozing off, as well as the other staff in the car. The call times for this week are all at the crack of dawn, which could take a while to get used to.

First up for today is recording a live performance video. Compared to last week, all the staff members are more in sync with each other, effectively carrying out their tasks. Jinyoung and Dongsun arrive fifteen minutes later. Haru helps Jinyoung change into apparel that captures the concept of the video, then he sits down in front of the mirror for makeup.

Jinyoung doesn’t speak a word. He’s deliberately avoiding Jaebeom’s eyes, even after Jaebeom cordially welcomed him.

It’s worse that Nari isn’t simultaneously doing Jinyoung’s hair. The session looks ordinary from an outsider’s point of view, but Jinyoung is too rigid, poorly disguising that he’s upset about something. Jaebeom has to make the most of what little access he's given. He extends his arm and swivels the chair, ultimately accomplishing to make Jinyoung look appropriate in his makeup.

Jaebeom bites down vitriol to announce that he’s done. Jinyoung nods curtly, never looking up from his phone.

Then Jaebeom takes his leave. He’s heading straight to the door, when Nari blocks his way. She grabs his arm, pulling slightly to keep him from escaping. “Is he mad at you? Haru said she didn't hear Jinyoung greet you,” she whispers.

Jaebeom shrugs. “Beats me.” It sounds like bullshit. His mouth is dry, jaw set tight. He shouldn't be pissed off.

“Jaebeom-ah,” Nari warns.

“I don’t know what he’s angry about,” Jaebeom says honestly. “It’s your turn now, noona. My phone’s with me if you need anything.”

The men’s restroom is empty and quiet. Jaebeom stands by the sink and splashes water on his face to cool down. He has a long day ahead of him, he can’t afford to play into whatever the fuck Jinyoung’s doing. At the back of his mind, he knows he’s being targeted.

His phone chimes; there’s a text from Nari on the screen.

“ _he's telling me jokes_ ,” Nari messages. “ _what's up with you two?????_ ”

So it's confirmed. Jaebeom dips his head below the faucet, turns it on, and lets the tap water run through his hair.

“Do we have a towel I can borrow?” Jaebeom asks the nearest staff member by the waiting room door. He takes off an earring that got tangled with a strand.

The staff member scans Jaebeom's face for a second. “I think Haru noona has spares.”

Jaebeom bows as thanks, then he approaches Haru across the room, whose gaze is already fixed on him.

“Here,” she says like she knows everything that's transpired. Then she puts a towel in his hand. “We go to set in two minutes.”

Jaebeom thanks her and puts the towel around his neck. He grabs the portable makeup kit inside the larger one before following Haru out.

The live performance shoot starts quickly. Jinyoung's singing voice is remarkable, amplified by the serene instrumental band playing behind him. The set has a minimalist design, bathed in a single color, and Jinyoung's complementary look enhanced his appearance. After three takes and two retouches, they pack up and prepare to go to the next destination.

Nari proposes to put away the products for Jaebeom as long as he carries the clothes. He agrees, understanding that Nari wants to ask more about what happened with Jinyoung. But before they could talk, Dongsun calls for Jaebeom and requests if he could lift one more bag.

“Thanks,” Dongsun says, “Jinyoung-ah is already there so just knock and ask where he wants that bag placed.”

Dongsun runs off to the direction of the restroom. Before Jaebeom could turn around, Nari giggles beside him.

“Sort it out, Jaebeomie,” she says, stepping out first.

Everyone's already at the car park when they get there. Some are hanging by their car, loading equipment, and the one he rode in this morning has all doors open. A few people are circling the vehicle with flashlights on, probably to search for an insect or a missing airpod. Jaebeom spots the black car for Jinyoung at the far end, with heavily tinted windows giving no sign if there's someone inside.

Nari pats his back as she overtakes him. Jaebeom stops walking then. The only sensible explanation for Jinyoung's behavior is that failed kiss attempt, realistically speaking. It's natural to want space after something like that, and Jinyoung complied, he allowed Jaebeom to withdraw.

Thinking back on what Jackson and Youngjae said last night, to confront or forget, Jaebeom honestly wanted to let it go like it never happened. But with Jinyoung being stubborn like this, heat pricks in his chest. He'll have to confront it before it blows up in their faces.

Jaebeom knocks on the window. A few blinks and Jinyoung opens the door. The inside is dark and his figure is barely distinguishable.

“Where would you like this?” Jaebeom asks levelly.

Jinyoung doesn't even spare a glance. He stamps a foot. “Here is fine.”

This is getting under Jaebeom's skin. After placing the bag on the floor, he clears his throat.

“Jinyoung-ssi, not to be presumptuous, but do you have anything to say to me?” Jaebeom says, low enough so Jinyoung wouldn’t hear his annoyance.

Jinyoung gives him one long hard look, like he said something ridiculous. In a moment of bravery, Jaebeom matches his stare.

“Sorry to bother you,” Jinyoung says crisply. “Ask me again tomorrow.”

The day felt like it could go on forever. Jinyoung never faltered in making his disdain known, and it picked on Jaebeom’s patience, piling up on him and even seeping into his dreams. When tomorrow sneaks up on him, seeing Jinyoung already makes his anger flare up. What’s more grating is that the makeup session continues to be difficult. It seems like Jinyoung wants to push him off the edge.

But before the breaking point, Jaebeom takes a deep breath, and asks in his most composed tone as possible, “Do you want to talk?”

Jinyoung looks at him through the mirror innocently, catching him off guard. “Now?”

“What — now?” Jaebeom stumbles. “Later, after today's schedules.”

Adding to his shock, Jinyoung smiles. “I'll meet you at the car park.”

Jaebeom doesn't even remember what else happens throughout the day, just that he's oddly looking forward to later. Something unwinded when Jinyoung dropped the act, though he expected he'd keep at it for longer. In hindsight, upon checking the schedule, Jinyoung probably chose today because his activities end the earliest. There would be more time.

Nevertheless, Jaebeom feels relieved. The whole ordeal was like blindly finding the blunt end of a sword among hundreds of sharp ends sticking out. He didn't know how else to deal with Jinyoung.

The last radio show ends. Jaebeom stands idle at the lobby, observing some of the staff flock together. One of the staff members loudly lists several restaurants, so they’re likely making plans to have dinner tonight. Nari sees him watching them, and she breaks free from the group to ask if he’s free.

Jaebeom gently declines. “I already made plans.”

Haru steals a glance at them before calling out. “Nari! Are we counting him?”

“He's got a date!” Nari playfully shouts.

Jinyoung and Dongsun then emerge from the elevator, and a staff member asks if they'll come.

Dongsun answers for Jinyoung, “We'll pass. Jinyoung has to go somewhere.”

It feels like they've been caught red-handed. Jaebeom stuffs his hands in his pockets, trying not to be flustered. Nari peers at his face.

“Is this the sorting out?” Nari snickers.

Jaebeom smiles as a mask for the lie. “It's really not.”

“Not connected?” Nari asks.

Jaebeom shakes his head. “No.”

After agreeing on a restaurant, the staff members leave together. It takes about ten minutes until the coast is clear, and Jaebeom goes down to the car park with his heart drumming in his chest.

Jinyoung’s brown coat is the first thing he sees. He’s leaning against the side of the black car, wearing gold framed glasses and a mask. He looks at Jaebeom as Jaebeom walks towards him.

“Where to?” Jinyoung asks.

Jaebeom tries to think of a specific place, but finds himself bereft of ideas. Only the makeup sessions, the reasons that culminated to this meeting, and the night spent with the rain come to mind.

So Jaebeom goes with the last thought. “Your coffee recommendations,” he says weakly.

Jinyoung beams, the whiskers near his eyes make another wonderful appearance.

Dongsun doesn't ask about Jaebeom riding with them. He simply greets him and turns on the engine. The address Jinyoung dictated to him is quite far away from where they're at, and it took them half an hour to arrive. Jinyoung spent the vacant time to catch up on sleep, while Jaebeom looked outside, watching the glittering streets vanish into the night.

Jinyoung wakes up just as the car stops. They both say their thanks and goodbyes to Dongsun as they exit.

The cafe is bustling with people. The panoramic windows are decorated with white and teal leaves from the bottom half, giving view to all the occupied tables. There are two queues by the counter, and the other is longer with all the patrons leaving with a box.

Jinyoung pulls his cloth mask up to his nose. He gestures to Jaebeom to come with him.

The inside looks elegant, to say the least, with white walls and minimalist art. There are a lot of plants by the counter, and the chalkboard menu is overgrown with vines. Chairs are wood, cushioned, partnered with polished white table tops.

“Forgot they have a cake sale at this hour,” says Jinyoung.

“Do you frequently go here?” Jaebeom asks.

Jinyoung looks up at the menu. “I go when I can.”

They line up together with Jaebeom at his side. Some of the patrons recognize Jinyoung, and they keep stealing glances at him. One girl with black hair even puts up her phone. Jaebeom wonders if he should have covered his face too.

They reach the counter in less than fifteen minutes. Jinyoung chooses for the both of them, while Jaebeom supplies the other details of his drink. Jaebeom then offers to pay for his own, but Jinyoung refuses, saying, “It’s fine, let me.”

“Then can I have one of those pretzels?” Jaebeom asks, looking at the glass cases of pastries.

“Not cake?” Jinyoung turns to him. “They’re really good.”

“No free tables,” Jaebeom notes. They do look appetizing, but he doesn’t want to carry one around. “Can’t eat it right now.”

After ordering, the girl at the counter instructs them to wait at the side. Jinyoung is still receiving glances from some of the patrons. His mask isn’t really helping him.

“You’re too popular here,” Jaebeom says.

Jinyoung pushes back his glasses. “You want to go somewhere private?”

“Like your place?” Jaebeom jokes.

Jinyoung keeps quiet. A barista then calls for them to get their orders.

“Kidding,” Jaebeom says belatedly. “Let’s walk.”

The autumn air has progressively become colder. Jaebeom holds the paper bag containing their cups, as Jinyoung pulls up the sleeves of his coat. They stroll down the street while talking about the café and Jaebeom eating his pretzel. Jinyoung pulls down his mask to his chin, revealing a stubble, before drinking his coffee. Jaebeom thinks offhandedly if his facial hair grows throughout the day.

They continue walking aimlessly for a while. Jaebeom doesn’t know the area very well, but he leads the way. He watches a couple make a turn, and they chance upon a hidden shopping district and promenade. A lull in small talk occurs, and as they walk towards an empty bench, he looks at Jinyoung.

“Can we talk now?” asks Jaebeom, halfway through his pretzel. He sits down first.

Jinyoung pauses, his lips forming a pout. “I’m sorry for trying to kiss you without your permission,” he says, point-blank.

Jaebeom eats the last bit of his pretzel, trying to ignore a stomach flip. He brushes the crumbs off his hand.

“What about yesterday?” Jaebeom asks.

Jinyoung sits down then, looking pleased. “You wouldn’t talk if I didn’t provoke.”

“By doing the opposite of provoking.” Jaebeom huffs.

“It worked, didn’t it?” Jinyoung smiles. He finishes his coffee and disposes the cup to a nearby recycling bin.

“Yeah, I get it.” Jaebeom gets his coffee from the paper bag. It’s no longer scalding hot, just warm. “You were being petty.”

Jinyoung raises an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Tell me I’m wrong.” Jaebeom hides a smile behind the cup. He takes a sip. It tastes more bitter than sweet.

“You’re wrong,” says Jinyoung.

Jaebeom laughs, and they fall into easy silence. It’s like they’ve known each other for years.

Jinyoung continues, “It was real. I was irritated, because I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“You could have waited. I would have approached,” Jaebeom croons.

“Would you really?” Jinyoung asks.

 _No_ , Jaebeom answers in his head. But his silence is enough verification.

“How long would you have lasted?” Jaebeom asks. “You were singling me out.”

Jinyoung sighs. “Didn’t mean that actually, but I was too happy to know you’re affected.”

“Awful,” Jaebeom says with no real fire.

“Well, we’re here now,” Jinyoung says. “I’d keep at it for two days.”

“Sorry, I haven’t seen many of your dramas, so I don’t know how you act,” says Jaebeom. “You _are_ an actor, right?”

“Your point?”

“I almost thought you were being sincere, when you leaned in for the kiss,” Jaebeom says quietly.

A terse silence dismantles the carefully constructed atmosphere.

“But that’s just a misconstrued emotion,” Jaebeom adds, trying to remedy. “Reminded you of something, maybe.”

“I wanted to,” Jinyoung admits. “I’m not apologizing for that.”

Jaebeom wants to ask more, but he’s afraid of all the strings attached.

“I wanted to,” Jinyoung repeats, then a pause. The tips of his ears are pink.

Then something blossoms in Jaebeom’s heart, pushing him to be honest. “Do you mind then, if I say I wanted it too? If I want to, right here,” Jaebeom says, just a tone above a whisper.

Jinyoung laughs, dismissing. Jaebeom doesn’t know what face to make.

“You don’t have to make me feel better,” says Jinyoung.

“I wasn’t,” Jaebeom argues.

“Not telling others about our little spat is enough,” Jinyoung says gently. “Thank you for coming with me here.”

It feels like the moment is over before it’s even started. Jaebeom recognizes this as his cue to drop the subject. They talk some more about other things, like the shops and people’s clothes, but nothing too deep. Eventually they walk back to the exit when Jaebeom has consumed his coffee.

“Will Dongsun hyung pick you up?” Jaebeom asks.

“Yeah, he’ll be here in five,” Jinyoung replies.

“I’ll be off then. Good night, Jinyoung-ssi,” he says. He crosses the street to hail a taxi.

He waves at Jinyoung as he enters the car. Jinyoung waves back.

Haru sits beside Jaebeom at the couch, approximately ten minutes before she has to deal with Jinyoung. Her hair has become a light brown. She must have had it dyed yesterday.

“How are you doing so far?” she asks plainly.

“Getting used to it. I have better trust in my hands now,” Jaebeom replies.

Haru nods. “Have you talked with Eunhye unnie recently?”

“Not yet, I'll check in on her by the end of the week,” he tells her. “Anytime now we'll hear news about the baby.”

“True.” Haru smiles. “Going to be a cute little boy.”

Jaebeom feels guilty that this is the way he discovers specifics about Eunhye's child.

Haru transitions to a different topic and modulates her voice. “Jaebeom-ah, I hope you keep good relations with everyone. Even after promotions.”

Jaebeom turns to look at her, then at the door as Jinyoung steps in.

“Avoid biting off more than you can chew, okay?” Haru smiles tightly; it's a command.

Makeup feels more genial than the past two days. Jinyoung gladly returns to being cooperative, occasionally even talking to Jaebeom. All the schedules for today are radio broadcasts, so styling is kept to a minimum. Jinyoung doesn't need to look too dazzling for the radio DJs.

The same atmosphere carries over to the next few days. Jinyoung would sometimes talk to him or Nari even while on camera. He'd discuss the book he's reading or ask insight on passages he's underlined. Once, he even asked Jaebeom to join him in doing push-ups and other exercises.

“He's so charming,” Nari comments. They're watching Jinyoung through a monitor. The last activity for the day is a filmed interview with kids. Jinyoung’s smile is wide as he gets asked various questions. He gets along well with them.

Sunday has the earliest call time, as Jinyoung pre-records a live showcase for his fans, to be aired tomorrow evening. For the afternoon, he undergoes another interview, turns on instagram live to talk to his fans, and when evening rolls around, they head to the hotel and hold the magazine photoshoot, one of the fanciest activities in this promotion period.

The stylist team isn’t needed anymore because the magazine brought their own crew, but Nari forbids Jaebeom to go home just yet, saying that Dongsun has something in store for them.

The next hour is then spent chatting with the other staff members. They stay at an empty corner of a large function room, to keep themselves from disturbing the shoot. The staff members have a lot to share about their personal lives, and most of them have been working with each other for years. Jaebeom, being the newcomer, gets interrogated at every turn, as they want to learn more about him.

Jaebeom admits that he’s single, and Nari dramatically reacts to the news. In the middle of her asking Jaebeom what his type in women is, Dongsun speaks.

“Higher ups just called me,” Dongsun announces happily. “They've booked us rooms at the hotel!”

They cheer for it quietly, and some of them jokingly complain that they didn’t bring any spare clothes for the occasion. Dongsun simply suggests that they learn to operate the washing machines in their rooms.

After wrapping up the photoshoot, they all have dinner together at the hotel restaurant, and Jinyoung sponsors two bottles of wine. As a rule for fun, and since it’s the day before a rest day, Dongsun prohibits any mention of work. The staff members are hilarious in finding a loophole to the rule, using it to reference and talk shit about the less redeeming qualities of the company. Dongsun hyung meets their words with a lighthearted slap on the wrist.

Dinner is finished after many topics and overlapping conversations. The exhaustion of the entire week eventually catches up to everyone, and most of the staff head to their respective rooms.

Jaebeom stays in his seat for a moment longer, still deciding whether he should stay in for free at this hotel or go home. He would honestly rather wake up in his own bed to wholly appreciate the rest day.

“Jaebeom-ah, better head up soon,” Dongsun says from the other end of the table. “Room service is also covered.”

Before Jaebeom could say something, Jinyoung returns to his seat.

“Hyung, want to grab a drink?” Jinyoung says. Then he looks at Jaebeom. “Care to join us?”

With the emergence of a third option, Jaebeom agrees. The bartender greets them and serves them complimentary beer. Dongsun's rules still apply at the bar, so they talk about hobbies, movies, and shows they've seen.

“Jaebeom-ssi has never seen any of my dramas,” says Jinyoung, accusing.

Dongsun laughs heartily. “You should, he's really good.” Then he puts a hand beside his mouth to whisper, “Not the early ones though.”

Jinyoung slaps Dongsun’s shoulder, laughing along. Jaebeom thinks they haven’t realized they’re breaking the rule, but he doesn’t point it out.

“We'll erase the rule now because I'm curious,” Dongsun says. So he was moderately aware of what he’s saying. “Jaebeom-ah, before this job, what have you been doing?”

Jaebeom thinks as he drains his glass. “I was learning to produce songs.”

“How was it?” Jinyoung asks.

“It's okay,” Jaebeom says. “When I get better, it's going to be more fun.”

“You could try submitting your songs to the company one day,” Dongsun says.

“I'm way below that level yet.” Jaebeom laughs.

Dongsun smiles. “With your face and aura, if we had met sooner, I could have scouted you.”

Jaebeom laughs softly. Dongsun adds, “I could have gotten a hefty commission from that.”

They gloss over many other things until there’s nothing more to say. After Dongsun finishes his glass, he decides to retire to his room. He reminds Jinyoung that he's an adult who can take care of himself, but if something comes up, Dongsun is one call away.

Jinyoung finishes his beer quietly. Jaebeom listens to the music playing in the background, enjoying the jazzy tune.

“I like your shirt,” Jinyoung says, unprompted.

Jaebeom chuckles. “Nice opener. Are you tipsy already?”

“Didn't even give me a buzz,” Jinyoung says. “Are you underestimating me?”

“I would never.” Jaebeom openly laughs.

Jinyoung then unlocks his phone for a second. Jaebeom doesn't mean to look, but the screen opens to a picture that resembles Youngjae's promotional poster. He considers bringing it up, then totally forgets about it when the bartender approaches and Jinyoung orders two different cocktails.

“Sorry Jinyoung-ssi, you might be drinking too much,” says Jaebeom.

Jinyoung grins. “Cute, but the other one's for you.”

The bartender shortly serves his order. Jinyoung pushes the other glass towards Jaebeom with a small smile. Jaebeom stares at it. His alcohol tolerance isn't high enough to enable him to drink a lot. He also doesn’t know what liquor is mixed in this cocktail, so this night could either end well or horribly.

He takes a sip through the straw. It’s fruity, but the alcohol burns down his throat.

“So, producing songs,” Jinyoung says. “You also sing?”

“Sometimes. Guide vocals, backup,” answers Jaebeom. He drinks some more, now relishing the sweetness of the beverage.

“Heard earlier you're also into fishing,” Jinyoung says.

“I'm into a lot of things.” Jaebeom stirs with the straw.

“Like picking fights with me,” Jinyoung says with a crooked smile. There’s something in his eyes tonight, igniting the small possibility of them being kicked out of this place because of a fight. 

“Do I?” Jaebeom chooses to defuse. He picks up the tiny umbrella and puts it down. “I don't even recall forgiving you.”

Jinyoung rolls his eyes. “I'm sorry. If you want financial compensation, consider this as one and we'll never speak again.”

“No, it's alright.” Jaebeom laughs. “I like being able to talk to you like this.”

“Because you don't put me on a pedestal,” says Jinyoung.

“Isn't that good?”

Jinyoung hums, finishing his drink.

Jaebeom switches to another topic. “What's it like chasing your own path now?” he asks.

“Well, freedom. Hands on creative process. There's space to be selfish. After all, I'm only looking out for myself,” Jinyoung explains. “It helps that I don’t have any scandals.”

“Your former members are also doing well in their own careers,” Jaebeom adds, thinking of Jackson.

“Yeah, next week two of them are gonna be with me on a program,” Jinyoung says. “I'm really proud of them.”

“Do you guys keep in touch?”

“We meet up a lot,” Jinyoung tells him. “You saw Mark hyung.”

Jaebeom nods. Jinyoung continues, “They’re always available to talk but of course, the feeling of being in a group is different compared to going solo. I know I can count on them anytime, but it's only on a deeper, personal level now. It used to be in everything.” There’s a tinge of sadness in his voice.

Jaebeom tries to motivate him a little. “You have your own team now, anyway. They all support you.”

Jinyoung looks into his eyes and smiles. “You look like you want to take care of me too.”

Seeing that his glass is empty, Jinyoung calls the attention of the bartender. And this time, he orders whiskey. Jaebeom is starting to dread agreeing to drink, but it's nice to converse with Jinyoung.

“Hey, before we get too drunk, I'll give you my payment.” Jaebeom gets his wallet.

Jinyoung stops him with a hand on his arm. “No need, I'll pay for it.”

A pause. Jaebeom didn’t want to travel down this way of thinking, but he needs to make sure.

“Is this supposed to mean something?” Jaebeom asks. “Or am I misunderstanding?”

“No, you're right,” Jinyoung says softly. “Me treating you means I want you to stay with me longer.”

Jaebeom whispers, “And you wanted to kiss me.”

Jinyoung leans closer. “I still do.”

Now this is unmistakable flirting. Jaebeom feels himself blush. He finishes the cocktail with a long sip. Between the coffee date and the mostly in passing but meaningful instances with Jinyoung, at some level he knew they'd get along. They could have, if circumstances were different, been friends, who occasionally hang out, grab a beer, and be untouchable by the press. 

The bartender comes by to offer another drink. Jinyoung orders more for the two of them. Jaebeom stares down at the varnished table where Jinyoung's fingertips press on it. His mind runs through different routes this could lead, but halts when Jinyoung leans a tiny bit closer. He looks into Jaebeom's eyes like an open invitation.

“Do they know…?” Jaebeom blurts out before he's aware of what he said.

“Know what? About me?” Jinyoung swirls his almost empty glass of whiskey. “I'm bisexual. That's not actually a secret.” 

The bartender places two glasses of something red in front of them. Jaebeom can't remember what they're called.

“But there's this unspoken rule,” Jinyoung continues. “The staff, they're either married or in a relationship. It's a hidden requirement.” 

“Wonder why they hired me then.”

“Oh, Jaebeom-ssi, are you…?”

“Also bi,” Jaebeom says.

“Wow, I just tried to shoot my shot there.” Jinyoung smiles. “Did HR ask about your relationships?”

“I.. never had anything serious with a man before,” he confesses. 

Jinyoung nods. “Yeah they never ask directly.”

Another silence, but it feels electric, a step away to veering into something new. Jinyoung’s face is stolid while he drinks. If Jaebeom turns his back on this, he might never say it.

“When we went to that cafe,” Jaebeom begins, “I didn't say that to make you feel better.”

Jinyoung pouts, trying to recall what he means.

“Kissing you,” Jaebeom supplies.

“Remind me again?” asks Jinyoung.

“I also...” Jaebeom pauses. “Want to kiss you.”

Jinyoung smiles. “Then go ahead.”

“Not here.” Jaebeom says hastily. He drinks up what’s left of his glass.

Jinyoung stares at him, waiting. Then he says, “So Jaebeom-ssi, want to head back to my room?”

Jaebeom knows that kind of look well. And for the first time tonight, he thinks fuck it and decides to dip into this dream.

After paying, Jinyoung leads him by the hand, not letting go even as they cross the lobby to go to the elevators. The hotel staff pay them no mind, and the ride up is charged with thick anticipation. Jinyoung squeezes his hand when the elevator dings, grips as they approach Jinyoung's room.

He opens the door quickly, greeted by the cool air coming from the air conditioner. The room is only dimly illuminated by a lamp at the corner, its yellow glow giving off a sensual atmosphere. Jaebeom steps inside and Jinyoung wastes no time pinning him against the door, the sound of the lock clicking quietly.

Jinyoung holds Jaebeom's face with both hands delicately as he presses their lips together, soft but unsure. He brushes against Jaebeom's lips lightly, like he's familiarizing, just gently sinking himself into the wet glide. But he's a little stiff so Jaebeom wraps his arms around Jinyoung's waist to ease the tension. He follows wherever he's allowed to by Jinyoung, yet it's all going too slow, Jaebeom could practically taste the hesitation. 

Distantly, he assesses that this is the mildest out of the alcohol-induced hookups Jaebeom has had. Park Jinyoung is as careful and considerate as his idol persona. 

So after another round of the softest kisses, Jaebeom leads, angling his face so he can deepen the kiss. He prods in, licking at a bottom lip at first, savoring. Jinyoung makes a noise at the back of his throat, and he pulls Jaebeom closer, letting his arms wrap around Jaebeom's neck. 

Then, as if gaining new courage, Jinyoung slides down a hand across Jaebeom's still clothed chest, ghosting a touch over a nipple, through the flat of his stomach, before slipping it beneath his shirt. Jaebeom groans into Jinyoung's mouth, both from the feeling of his palm on his skin and the need to be touched more.

“Is this okay?” Jinyoung breaks away to ask. Jaebeom drinks in the sight of Jinyoung's slightly disheveled hair, eyes wide and lips red. It's only been making out so far, and Jaebeom is sure they could go further.

But the question registers, and a hundred thoughts flicker again through Jaebeom's mind. It ranged from _this is a breach of contract_ , _Jinyoung is so hot_ , _it's not like he initiated it_ , to _one word out and everything will crumble_. When Eunhye talked to him about how makeup for men could be complicated, she definitely didn't refer to this.

Jinyoung looks into his eyes expectantly. Jaebeom wants this too of course, so he smiles. For the second time, Jaebeom crosses the line he set for himself, and whispers a “yes” against Jinyoung's mouth.

His shirt bunches up on Jinyoung's arm as Jinyoung continues to touch, fingers moving like they're easing the worry off his mind. They separate for a second when Jinyoung finally pulls it over his head for him.

Jaebeom lifts his arms, then they fall on Jinyoung's shoulders. He holds Jinyoung by the nape, pressing their mouths closer, deeper. Jaebeom chases the taste of liquor, of cocktails, the bittersweet flavor in his spit. Jinyoung pushes him further against the door, hands at Jaebeom’s sides, caging him in.

The growing hardness in Jaebeom's jeans keeps brushing against Jinyoung's own, dizzyingly arousing but not nearly enough. He reaches down as Jinyoung weakens his hold, tracing the curve of his ass. Then he breaks away, breathes, and Jinyoung licks at his neck. The pause fuels Jaebeom to seek more, hungry for friction. He grabs the soft flesh firmly, and grinds against Jinyoung.

The pace starts slow, tentatively moving their hips into each other. Jinyoung lets out ragged exhales after each thrust, then they grow frantic when Jaebeom slides his hand down in between his cheeks, reaching into the space he wants to enter.

Jinyoung stops to whisper at Jaebeom's neck, “Let's take this to bed, Jaebeom-ssi.” He takes a step back before a peck, baiting Jaebeom to follow.

“Still Jaebeom _-ssi_ seeing you like this?” Jaebeom asks. “We’re over formalities.”

They tread across the room clumsily, with Jaebeom keeping pursuit until the back of Jinyoung's legs hit the edge of the bed. He sinks down with a small smile, alluring Jaebeom to take him. Jaebeom is poised above him and he bends down to kiss him again.

“Jaebeom hyung then.” Jinyoung's smile melts into his lips. He scoots further into bed, and Jaebeom crawls to his side.

“Sounds nice, Jinyoung-ah,” he says.

“Good, no pretenses.” Jinyoung laughs. He puts one leg over Jaebeom’s hip, turns them over so Jaebeom returns to being on top of him.

Jaebeom trails kisses down his neck. He tears off Jinyoung's layers bit by bit, unbuttoning Jinyoung's top with each peck, and Jinyoung giggles in the most adorable way because he's having trouble toeing off his socks. Jaebeom smiles in between kisses as he slips the white fabric off Jinyoung's shoulders, then finally unbuckling his belt and sliding off his slacks. Jinyoung latches onto Jaebeom’s jeans, urging him to do the same.

Now both naked, Jaebeom kneels between Jinyoung’s splayed legs. He takes in the way Jinyoung looks at him from below, like he’s waiting to be devoured. He traces a finger from Jinyoung’s chest to his stomach, admiring the way his tan skin tenses with his touch. There’s a pretty flush on his face, underscored by his swollen lips.

Jaebeom plants a kiss on the corner of Jinyoung’s mouth as he wraps a hand on his hard cock and uses a thumb to smear the pre-cum leaking from the tip. Jinyoung’s breath hitches, clutching tightly on Jaebeom’s arm. He jerks his hips up to get more of the sensation.

Then to Jaebeom’s surprise, Jinyoung says, “Wait, stop.”

Jaebeom instantly withdraws his hand. His heart drops, and all his qualms come flooding back in.

“What’s wrong?” Jaebeom asks softly, nervous.

“Too cold. The remote,” Jinyoung replies. He sits up, using Jaebeom's shoulders for support. He feels around for the small remote and turns off the air conditioner completely.

It's not supposed to be funny, but Jaebeom laughs a little.

“Hey,” Jinyoung says, collecting Jaebeom into an embrace. He presses his cheek to Jaebeom’s. “Sorry, I was freezing.”

Jaebeom only kisses him in response. He feels so safe and content in Jinyoung’s arms that he must be losing his mind, daring to think they’re like old lovers rediscovering new love.

“Hyung,” murmurs Jinyoung, “are we still okay?”

Jaebeom nods, nuzzling against Jinyoung’s neck. He blinks back tears. _Tears?_

“Shit,” Jaebeom says as the tears continue to flow. It’s a humiliating detail whenever he drinks; he gets easily overwhelmed. And in intimacy, it’s the nonsexual sentiments, the little moments no one else could hold dearly but them. He doesn’t always gets like this with any other drunk sex, so it’s rare, and he just displayed another part of him to Jinyoung.

Jaebeom sniffs, and Jinyoung holds him tight. He rubs his back, following the arch of his spine.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung repeats. He caresses Jaebeom’s hair, then plants a kiss on his ear. “We can just stay like this.”

“No, I’m still hard.” Jaebeom mumbles.

Jinyoung laughs breathlessly. “I’ll suck you off.”

“Actor and Soloist Park Jinyoung has his mouth around someone’s cock,” Jaebeom mocks. Jinyoung bites at his ear lobe. “Ow.”

“I don’t just give blow jobs to _anybody_ ,” Jinyoung declares. “I want to make you feel good.”

Jaebeom sits straight then, untangling himself from Jinyoung. His cheeks are wet, and Jinyoung kisses his forehead. He stops crying as Jinyoung keeps wiping away his tears.

Jinyoung places a hand on his cheek, and Jaebeom covers it with his own. “You're so pretty like this,” Jaebeom says.

Jinyoung smiles as he surges forward, continuing where they left off.

The kiss begins the same, but holds more meaning than before. Jaebeom tries not to rush it, building up just the right amount of eagerness. He circles his thumb against a hard nipple, increasingly aware of every tiny noise Jinyoung makes. Then he topples them over, and Jinyoung willingly spreads his legs again.

Jaebeom kisses down his neck, and stalls there, sucking on the soft skin.

“No hickeys,” says Jinyoung, so Jaebeom moves down and sucks on a nipple instead.

Jinyoung squirms, lifting his hips for any kind of contact. Jaebeom deliberately pushes him down.

“Jaebeom hyung,” Jinyoung snaps. “Stop teasing.”

Jaebeom kisses his chest. “Condom? Lube?”

“In that drawer,” Jinyoung says, desperate.

Jaebeom gets to it quickly. He sets aside the condom, and pops open the bottle, spreading lube over his fingers. He kisses Jinyoung deeply while teasing at his rim with a finger. Then he pushes in, and Jinyoung breathes out, gutted. Jaebeom crooks his finger and grinds it inside. It’s barely satisfying; Jinyoung demands for more.

Two fingers, and Jinyoung bites down on Jaebeom’s lip. He fucks into him properly over the squelch of lube. Jaebeom stops kissing to watch Jinyoung, his eyes closed shut, face contorted into pleasure. Then lust ripples through Jaebeom’s entire being as he inserts the third. Jinyoung grinds into his fingers, moaning a curse.

The stretch is incomparable. He moves his fingers all the way out before slamming them in. Jinyoung keeps making these obscene noises, and Jaebeom is barely holding on himself. His cock twitches when Jinyoung meets his gaze, intending to burn.

Jinyoung mouths, “More.”

So Jaebeom finally scissors him open, coaxing Jinyoung’s entrance to loosen just enough for his cock. When he pulls them out, Jinyoung almost whines out a complaint. He hurriedly opens the condom and puts it on. Then he sits up, holds onto Jinyoung’s hip as he aligns, pushing in slowly.

Jaebeom bottoms out with a moan. Jinyoung feels so good and tight, the heat and desire setting fire throughout his body. He folds over Jinyoung, breathing out against his neck. They wait a while to adjust, with Jinyoung panting loudly as he clenches and relaxes around Jaebeom’s cock. It’s all so hot and heady, and they’re already both stricken with sweat.

“Can I move?” Jaebeom says, voice hoarse.

“Please,” Jinyoung whispers.

Jaebeom smiles at him. “Is this okay?”

“God, just fuck me,” Jinyoung cries out.

Lifting himself from Jinyoung’s hold, and without removing his cock, Jaebeom hooks Jinyoung’s knees over his shoulders. He smirks down at Jinyoung before pulling out and thrusting in, angling his hips to hit Jinyoung’s prostate.

Jinyoung grows pliant under him, as Jaebeom sets a brutal pace, pounding into him and fucking his moans out. He bends down on his hands to adjust, and Jinyoung holds onto the back of his neck, forcing their lips together. Jaebeom snaps his hips harder at the kiss, making Jinyoung groan into his open mouth.

It’s almost too hot, being this close, with Jinyoung emanating sounds, cursing and calling out to him, just above his ear. Then Jinyoung places a hand around his own dick, pumping himself along with the rhythm.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” Jaebeom says, before giving space between their bodies. He lets a leg slide down to thrust into Jinyoung better. He has more leverage in this position, digging his fingers into his skin, watching Jinyoung chase after his own orgasm, while being so close to the peak of pleasure himself.

Jaebeom comes first, bowing down as he drags his cock through his hole a bit slower. He goes sloppy in his movements, but he forges on, sensitivity aside, to let Jinyoung reach the tipping point.

“Hyung, come here.” Jinyoung pulls him back in with one hand, overriding his concentration. Jinyoung comes moaning his name, spilling over his belly, and looking up at him like he puts all the stars in the sky, with utmost affection.

Clarity bursts in Jaebeom. He can't take it. Jaebeom hides his face in the hollow of Jinyoung's neck, hoping to silence every warning bell roaring in his ears.

They don’t speak for a while, sharing silence beneath the heavy air of sex. Then Jaebeom peels his arms off Jinyoung to sit up and clean them.

The fluorescent light in the bathroom stings his eyes. He takes off the condom and ties it before throwing it in the trash can. Then he grabs a fresh towel from the shelf and wets it, cleaning his own dick. He returns to bed and sees Jinyoung with an arm over his eyes. He’s not doing anything else.

“Jinyoung-ah,” he croaks. It feels foreign on his tongue now.

“Yeah?”

“Checking if you’re awake,” Jaebeom says gently. He sits on the side of the bed, wiping off the cum on Jinyoung’s stomach.

“Should I call room service to change the duvet?” Jinyoung asks.

“Did it get on here…?” Jaebeom checks the perimeter. It’s hard to tell with the low light and similar white sheets.

“Whatever. I don’t wanna move anymore,” Jinyoung says.

After a while in silence, Jaebeom pulls the duvet from under Jinyoung and covers him with it. He doesn’t want to overstep, but it’s bearable to want Jinyoung to sleep peacefully. He turns on the air conditioner, setting it to a higher temperature.

“I should go,” says Jaebeom quietly.

“You can sleep here, take the first morning bus home,” Jinyoung suggests instead.

Jaebeom’s heartbeat picks up. He's not even sure if it's because of the sex or Jinyoung wanting to spend more time with him. Wordlessly, he lays down on the other side of the bed. He nods belatedly as an answer to Jinyoung, and from his peripheral vision he sees Jinyoung yawn. A moment later, Jinyoung scoots closer to hold Jaebeom's hand under the covers.

Jinyoung falls asleep with their fingers intertwined. The weight and warmth of Jinyoung is already familiar in his palm. Jaebeom stares at the rise and fall of his chest, calming down to the sound of his steady breathing. 

Looking at him now, bare and vulnerable, Jaebeom realizes what drove Jinyoung to treat this as something far too precious.

An aching loneliness.


	2. Chapter 2

“So.” Youngjae sits across him at the kitchen table, bowl of cereal in hand. He manages to look intimidating despite the bed hair.

“So,” Jaebeom echoes, summoning all of his good karma to power through the inevitable conversation, so early in the morning.

“You fucked the idol?” Youngjae, truly the most brilliant sunshine, lays it down directly on the table.

Jaebeom lets out a frustrated noise, and he probably makes a face because Youngjae grins. His hand shakes as he sets down his mug. “Do I need to say it again?”

“Let's make this easier for the both of us, Jaebeom hyung,” Youngjae says loftily.

To be fair, he doesn't regret what happened last night, not one bit. It just seems incredulous to talk about it at breakfast, like it's too important to overlook, especially when he's hungover.

“I told you already,” Jaebeom insists.

“You were knocked out on the couch. I couldn't tell if that's you sleep-talking in the middle of a wet dream.”

A memory plays in Jaebeom's mind, of squinting against a blinding light, his right hand gone numb, with Youngjae repeatedly slapping him awake (not painful enough to sting), telling him to get off the couch and sleep in his own bed.

Jaebeom inhales the scent of coffee and surrenders. Nothing ever escapes Youngjae. He should have been honest from the start, or have thought of better ways to appear too sick to talk. 

“I slept with Park Jinyoung,” he confesses, defeated.

“Nice.” A pause. Youngjae chews while Jaebeom stirs his mug of coffee with a spoon, waiting for the painkillers to kick in. Then Youngjae's eyebrows rise. “Oh, you have a hickey there.”

“Fuck.” Jaebeom scrambles to get a view of his neck, which is impossible without a mirror. He hurries to the one in the living room, and sees the hickey in all its glory, not huge but definitely noticeable. 

“Park Jinyoung's badge of honor,” Youngjae helpfully supplies. “Glad you had a good night.”

“And he was the one who told me no hickeys,” Jaebeom grumbles.

“Makes sense. You'd need to cover it up for him.” Youngjae laughs. Jaebeom doesn’t have the strength to say anything to that.

Jaebeom slips back into his seat and finishes his coffee. He feels neither shame nor pride, just the earnest urge to fight against Youngjae’s remarks despite his early assumptions being correct.

“You know,” says Jaebeom, “he wasn’t my type.”

“Who’d believe you, hyung?” Youngjae stands up and puts his empty bowl on the sink. “It’s totally okay. You should enjoy yourself once in a while.”

Jaebeom sighs. The twisted blur of worries he has in mind stops when he recalls Jinyoung smiling underneath him. Heat sparks in his chest to his crotch. He should consider throwing himself off a cliff.

“The thing is,” Jaebeom says, “I don’t think it’s going to be a one time thing.”

“I admire your confidence,” says Youngjae.

“Is that a bad thing?” Jaebeom asks, more to his mug than to Youngjae.

“Depends.” Youngjae stretches his arms upward. “Does it seem like a one night stand, or did he mention about doing it again?”

“Neither,” Jaebeom says. He moves to the sink and opens the faucet, letting the water run over the dirty dishes. A tiny part of him wants to hold Jinyoung responsible for feeling lonely, and another because Jinyoung knows he could be worthwhile company.

“So it’s _you_ who wants to do it again?” Youngjae asks, smiling.

Jaebeom doesn’t deny. Youngjae can get his little victories. “But it’s strange,” Jaebeom drawls. “If it’s just for a night, he wouldn’t cuddle with me, right? He wouldn’t ask me to stay.”

“I wonder. That’s a formidable technique used throughout generations,” utters Youngjae, like he’s reciting a dialogue from a script. “It cultivates a terrifying thing called attachment. A key component to, you know, being in a relationship.”

Jaebeom purses his lips. “What if I just wanted to play around, like you with Jackson?”

“Shut up hyung, we’re talking about you, not me,” Youngjae retorts. “And I’m not even seeing anybody else. My conscience is clean.”

“Sure you are,” says Jaebeom sarcastically.

“Anyway, doesn’t sound like you’re playing. If Jinyoung wants — no — if _you_ want to talk about it, just call him,” says Youngjae, trying to help.

“I don’t have his number,” Jaebeom dolefully admits. “But I wrote it down somewhere. You think he’ll see?”

“Never mind _see_ , will _he_ call you?” Youngjae asks.

Jaebeom stops rinsing his mug. Youngjae pats him in the back and adds, “You know what, don’t worry about it.”

Contrary to Youngjae’s advice, Jaebeom does worry about it for the entire day. By evening, when he tried to stock himself full of ramen noodles to forget about Jinyoung, he was willing to accept that it’s just a one time thing that happens when two horny people collide, that it’s not wrong to listen to your dick sometimes. And before going to bed, he was even enthusiastic about the likelihood that he and Jinyoung will talk about it and decide not to do it again. They tried to appease their lust and it couldn’t develop into something more. Being work friends and creating solid connections is what he really wanted, anyway.

However, all this shatters in the morning, when he sees five messages from Jinyoung.

_“Hey hyung, it’s Jinyoung. sorry I fell asleep all day.”_

_“If you see this, can I call you?”_

_“haha you must be asleep by now sorry I hope you have sweet dreams.”_

_“Eunhye noona’s in the hospital. Saw it on her insta story”_

_“It’s a boy, very cute”_

A habit Jaebeom always stuck with is not checking his messages during his rest days. If it’s an emergency, they’d call him. That was how Youngjae determined when he isn't working no matter what job he’s busy with.

It’s incredible how this habit superseded the very thing that’s been making him miserable.

Usually he’d check them before sleeping, but he only had his ears for his call ringtone, so much that he didn’t get around to looking at his phone anymore. Sometimes the sleep schedule he nurtured the past weeks is also a big hindrance.

“ _good morning,”_ Jaebeom types, then erases it. He’s not his boyfriend.

“ _hi,”_ he types again. “ _yes I was asleep…”_ Then Jaebeom pauses, uncertain on what message he’ll reply to first. He hits send, and gets out of bed.

Jaebeom takes a shower, eats breakfast, and goes through his morning rituals, before he thinks about it again. He only remembers after arriving at the carpool spot because Jinyoung replies.

“ _good morning,”_ he texts. What. _“Eunhye noona already posted a pic of her baby.”_

Jaebeom types a response before he gets overwhelmed. “ _I saw hehe,”_ he lies, “ _btw no need to call, we’ll see each other later...”_

_“ok, see you soon.”_

The rest of the trip does nothing to calm Jaebeom’s heart. And as if the world isn’t thrilled enough to see Jaebeom be so confused and antsy, he completely forgets to cover up the hickey.

“Oh my god.” Nari’s jaw actually drops. “I knew it! No fucking way you’re not sleeping with somebody with that face of yours.”

Jaebeom wants to sink to the ground right then and there.

“Who was it? Is it someone we know?” Nari pesters while Haru laughs behind her. Jaebeom painstakingly does not meet Haru’s eyes.

“The other day we were asking about Jaebeomie’s type because he said he doesn’t have a girlfriend and now.” Nari wipes away a nonexistent tear from the corner of her eye. “All I can say is you can trust us. We need to meet her.”

“Nari was planning on arranging blind dates for you,” a staff member says.

“With other stylists,” Haru adds.

Jaebeom smiles tightly.

“Don’t listen to them.” Nari rolls her eyes. “But I apologize, I did get a little overboard.”

“I never understood what sort of satisfaction you derive from that,” Haru comments.

“Nothing wrong with staying single, Nari,” another staff member quips.

Nari argues with them for a moment, but she doesn’t let Jaebeom escape her grasp.

“Jaebeom-ah, it’s okay. Introduce her to me if you have the time,” Nari says gently. “If you’re serious about her.”

The person in question makes his appearance a few minutes after they arrive. Dongsun explains that Jinyoung wanted to be picked up early.

“Jinyoung-ah woke up early, so,” he tells them. Jinyoung’s eyes linger on Jaebeom before he greets the rest of the staff. Jaebeom feels dreadfully exposed, flaunting the hickey.

“In other news, Eunhye noona has given birth,” Dongsun continues. The staff erupts in cooing noises while Nari spreads the baby's picture via airdrop. Jinyoung joins in, and he smiles brightly, as if he hasn't seen it yet.

Reading with Jinyoung, or something along those lines, is the first schedule this morning. He is to narrate popular children's books, and behind the scenes footage is available to those who care to purchase the bundle. Jaebeom hears him explain this to the camera, while they arrange all their equipment on the table.

Gaining extra minutes since Jinyoung is already here, Jaebeom eases up his stance. He doesn't need to strictly adhere to the allotted time. He stretches his wrists and adjusts his chair. Jinyoung sits down, his expression unreadable. Then his features soften, mouth curving into a smug smile, when he sees the side of Jaebeom’s neck.

“I’m flattered,” says Jinyoung, while Jaebeom starts applying foundation.

“Why?” Jaebeom asks, even though he knows. He's concentrating so he's not that affected by the proximity between them.

“You didn’t put on a band-aid nor concealer.” Jinyoung smiles wider. His cute eye wrinkles make Jaebeom pause.

“I forgot,” Jaebeom whispers. Dongsun aims a camera towards Jinyoung. Jaebeom also forgot to put on a face mask.

“Do you think anyone’s listening to this conversation?” asks Jinyoung.

“They won’t be interested, unless you say something incriminating.” Jaebeom turns to the table to grab another product.

“Sure, it will be our secret,” Jinyoung says. Jaebeom's heart takes a leap of faith.

The talk doesn't happen there, not with people constantly swarming around Jinyoung. Too many ears and eyes, but there's something like a promise whenever he meets the glances Jinyoung makes. Like they can't help the magnetic pull, like it's safe to hope.

The first taste left him so intoxicated that he'd claw his way for more.

They maintain the professional air whenever someone's nearby. Jinyoung's trained to frame his face into whatever he likes, and Jaebeom finally dons his face mask. No one gets to see their sneaky touches, unless they're intently watching Jinyoung.

The last schedule wraps up as the staff eats dinner. Jinyoung turns on a livestream to talk to fans while he enjoys his food. After half an hour, the staff convene to set reminders, check the status of equipment, outfits, and other materials, and finally call it a day.

Dongsun then approaches Jaebeom before he exits the door.

“Be careful, Jaebeom-ah,” he says with a tactful tone.

Jaebeom has heard this before from various people, in many contexts, but coming from Dongsun like this, he doesn’t know how he should take it. Dongsun only smiles at his bewildered expression before heading out the door.

A few staff members loiter around the hallway. Jaebeom waves at them as he pivots to the opposite direction. He gets his phone and scrolls through his messages. He stays on the short conversation he’s had with Jinyoung, pondering on how he’d invite him to talk now. Then his phone rings, making the decision for him.

“Hello hyung,” Jinyoung greets. His voice is fuzzy.

“Hello,” echoes Jaebeom.

“I had my car brought here. Do you want to talk while I drive?” he asks.

Jaebeom's mind skips to the nonzero possibility of car sex. “Sure.”

He sees Jinyoung standing outside a car with heavily tinted windows just like before. The make and model are nothing like the standard vans the company use. Jinyoung’s is more luxurious, more in his league.

Jinyoung smiles at him as he unlocks the car. He opens the door to the passenger’s side to let Jaebeom in. Then he slides behind the wheel, and drives out of the car park. The inside smells of lavender.

“Not gonna turn on the stereo?” asks Jaebeom, putting on the seatbelt.

“Aren’t we here to talk?” Jinyoung asks back.

“Yeah,” Jaebeom responds. “But where are you taking me?”

“To the café. I’m gonna pick up a cake for Eunhye noona.”

“Shit, I forgot to message her.”

Jinyoung smiles. “You should, now.”

So Jaebeom pulls up his phone and types a quick heartfelt message of welcoming her baby to the world. He pockets it after, not expecting a reply anytime soon.

“I just remembered, did you ever get your umbrella back?” Jinyoung asks.

“No, thanks for reminding me.” Jaebeom laughs. “The weather’s been okay lately.”

“You’ll jinx it,” teases Jinyoung. He cuts to a corner, taking a shortcut, so they could skip the evening traffic.

No one says anything for a beat, delving into profound silence.

Then Jaebeom hums. “Jinyoung-ah, where do we go from here?”

They still get caught in the traffic in the end. Jinyoung digs a special cloth from his shirt pocket and uses it to wipe his glasses clean.

“I don’t know if I want anything serious,” he says quietly.

The words crash into Jaebeom like a truck. The tiny hope gets extinguished before it had a chance to bloom. But it’s fine, he swallows thickly, it’s fine.

“So, we only did it because we’re drunk.” Jaebeom licks his lips. “Sorry, I assumed, with all the flirting and eye-fucking —”

“I’m not leading you on,” says Jinyoung. “I’m open for anything in the future.”

“Contradictory, don’t you think?” Jaebeom asks, a little too upset.

“We’re adults with our own lives, hyung. This is going to be a bigger burden to you than to me,” Jinyoung says.

“I’m not forcing you into anything,” Jaebeom says, tempering the bitterness in his tone.

“And I’m not calling off anything either. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” Jinyoung takes a deep breath and exhales.

Jaebeom gets a promise of a promise, a shallow attempt to keep him at arm’s length but effectively chaining him to Jinyoung’s side.

His eyes don't stray away from looking ahead, but he feels Jinyoung’s tense glances while he drives.

“What do you want then?” Jaebeom asks.

“What do _you_ want? I can’t be the only one deciding here.”

“A window to explore this,” he breathes out. “I just — I didn’t expect it.” That Jinyoung wasn’t serious, or he’d be the one begging to save what’s most likely a fling? He’s not sure what to continue with.

“Okay, casual-not-casual,” Jinyoung declares. “I don’t want to give up just yet.”

Jaebeom snorts. “Should’ve started with that.

Jinyoung laughs. “Yeah, fuck.”

The café already has the cake ready to go, packaged in pale blue cardboard with a darker blue ribbon on top. It’s visible from the outside, sitting alone on the counter. Jinyoung asks Jaebeom to wait in the car while he goes inside to pick it up.

Jinyoung puts it on the backseat, securing it in a larger box he has installed. When he returns to the driver’s seat, Jaebeom asks to be dropped off at the nearest bus stop. Jinyoung doesn’t question it, nor does he try to persuade Jaebeom to stay longer. So Jaebeom rides the bus home, immersing in meditation.

The following day is uneventful. They fall into a tacit agreement, remaining approachable to the other, but not on the same magnitude as yesterday. Eunhye’s baby is still the most talked about. Nobody gives a shit about his hickey anymore.

Jaebeom wakes up on the third day, gunning for a repeat of the serene, almost harmonious work flow of the day before. It’s still a lot to digest, what it is between Jinyoung and he, so he might or might not be using this space to build up fortitude until the next time he’d want to not innocently hang out.

Then Jackson steps into the waiting room, carrying a gift basket. Like Mark, he bows to everyone in the room before approaching Jinyoung, who is napping on the couch.

Jaebeom momentarily breaks out in cold sweat, hiding himself in a corner. He busies himself with his phone (texting Youngjae that Jackson is here), lowers his hat to cover half of his face, then joins the other staff in pretending they’re not paying attention to what’s unfolding.

“This is my apology gift,” Jackson talks to Jinyoung. “Are we good now?”

“Hi Jackson.” Jinyoung blinks away the sleepiness. “Please kneel by the door so I know it’s real.”

“You’re not making me beg like a dog, asshole.” Jackson laughs. “Sorry about the other week. Are we good now?”

“Give me a minute.” Jinyoung smiles. He sits up to make space for Jackson. Jackson puts the basket on the floor.

“Heard Yugyeom and Bambam are gonna be with you, so might as well have a mini-reunion,” Jackson says.

“Yeah, they’re in the other rooms.” Jinyoung grabs a can of pineapple juice and rolls it around. “Did Mark hyung ever reply?”

“He’ll be there. I saved him a seat,” Jackson assures.

“Okay, I forgive you.” Jinyoung says, earning him a light shove from Jackson.

A few seconds elapse before two new figures appear in the doorway. They’re all loudly cheering now, hugging and holding each other like they’re the only ones in the room.

“My hyungs!” The tallest man exclaims, who Jaebeom recognizes as Yugyeom. “Feels good to be in one room.”

“It's been too long!” The other guy, Bambam, does a personalized handshake with Jackson.

Then they all talk to each other simultaneously that Jaebeom doesn’t bother tracking who’s speaking with who. He recalls what Jackson has said before, that their mere presence can magically keep the staff entertained. He sees it now.

“…touring across the globe!” Bambam trills. Jaebeom didn’t hear the first part of the sentence.

“And Gyeomie over here has been bagging the top chart rankings.” Jackson rests his arm on Yugyeom’s shoulder. “How’s it going, superstar?”

Yugyeom flushes red. Jinyoung asks, “So when are you treating us next?”

Before Yugyeom gets to answer, Mark knocks on the door with a round cake in hand. The room gets chaotic once again.

“A cake to commemorate this reunion,” Mark says.

Nari moves to Jaebeom’s side then, making an eating gesture to implicitly ask if he wants to get snacks. Jaebeom obliges, and many of them leave the room, excluding some camera men, to let the idols have their moment together without the added nosy presence.

Later at the waiting room, while they’re watching Jinyoung’s recording through a TV screen, Jinyoung keeps waxing poetic about his former members. The respect and pride he has for them is vivid, a good measure of their chemistry. The MCs get a kick out of their strong friendship and ruthless betrayal in games. The camera even pans out occasionally to feature the other two members in the audience.

Jaebeom catches a glimpse of what Jinyoung meant back at the bar. It’s a facet of himself that he refrains from being sighted: he likes to keep close the people he cares about the most, and he misses this kind of companionship so much.

“ _Are you free Saturday night?_ ” Jinyoung texts him the next day, while seated across the room. Jaebeom stops typing a detailed account of his work experience for Eunhye in order to respond to Jinyoung.

“ _im right in front of you…”_

Jinyoung puts his phone down. “Are you?”

The other staff members walk between them, having other matters to attend to. Nari and Haru went out to have a smoke break after finishing the session. It’s five minutes until Jinyoung’s required to go to set for another interview. Jaebeom narrows his eyes.

“Yes,” he answers. “Why?”

“The book I’m reading is getting adapted to a movie. I need your input, film major.” Jinyoung smiles.

Jaebeom hums as he sends the message to Eunhye. She replies with a cartoon cat sticker.

“Premiere is tomorrow. I have two tickets for Saturday,” he continues.

“I can pay for myself,” Jaebeom says, grinning. “I’ll go with you.”

Jinyoung has other activities after the official and publicly known ones, so Jaebeom arrives first at the cinema. He’s changed into a new jacket to detach himself from work. He walks around for a while, just looking and noting the incoming crowd.

In the time he spends alone, Jaebeom mulls over their situation again. He's learned to curb his expectations, seeing that it’s detrimental to his heart. Working with Jinyoung impedes any real acceptance of the friends with benefits setup, but then again, they might want to keep being with each other in any shape or form. For now, he's okay with this.

Jaebeom lines up at the popcorn aisle so they wouldn't have to later. It's the first time he's going to be alone with Jinyoung since that night at the hotel, so he needs any kind of buffer. He’s still in the midst of putting boundaries in his imagination, like how he controlled his eyes not to stare at Jinyoung’s ass. Yet any progress he’s made in that area is at risk of being destroyed; Jaebeom is skeptical that they’ll simply watch the movie.

While he’s checking the other movie posters and their descriptions, Jinyoung appears beside him, wearing a black face mask and sunglasses late in the evening. He’s almost unrecognizable.

“Can you see in that?” Jaebeom asks with a smile.

“Am I lost? Are you not Jaebeom hyung?” Jinyoung mocks.

Jaebeom bites down his lip to stop laughing. “I bought popcorn.”

“I can _see_ ,” Jinyoung stresses. “Let’s go. They’re already checking the tickets.”

They sit at the farthest row, right below the projector room. The other patrons who queued before them sit somewhere in the middle. Fifteen minutes left until the movie starts, a quarter of the seats remain unoccupied, which says a lot about the buzz this movie has created.

“Warped marketing or some other pathetic reason,” Jinyoung tells him. “But the book's good.”

“Yeah I know, I've read it,” Jaebeom says.

“You never told me.” Jinyoung leans into Jaebeom's chair.

“I answered your queries? We discussed the plot?” Jaebeom presses.

“There were general statements. Could be anything,” Jinyoung says.

“Fine, then it just wasn't brought up,” Jaebeom concedes.

The lights turn off and they watch the previews in silence. Jinyoung swaps the sunglasses with his regular prescription glasses. The popcorn is gone less than ten minutes into watching trailers. Then Jinyoung intertwines their arms, and very slowly slips it down to hold Jaebeom's hand. Jaebeom knows he's never recovering from this.

Within the first ten minutes of screening, it's become apparent that the movie is going to be a shitty adaptation. The book followed the life of a man who experienced a lot of critical events, that both fractured him and made up who he was by the end. What's being shown now is more like a low budget documentary narrated in the third person perspective.

Jinyoung keeps shifting around in his seat. Jaebeom looks at him and notices the furrow in his eyebrows, the slight pout, obviously not enjoying the movie. He doesn't let go of Jaebeom's hand but his hold keeps moving around, until Jinyoung just rests their hands on his lap, and lets their shoulders stick together.

Jaebeom yawns and covers it with his free hand. Jinyoung will most likely not reprimand him if he falls asleep.

Out of boredom, he slackens his grip of Jinyoung's hand and rubs at his palm. Jaebeom plays around with Jinyoung's fingers, sometimes using a ring he's wearing to press against Jinyoung's skin, or pushing down his knuckles. Jinyoung doesn't seem to mind, face impassive, still keen on watching the movie.

The facade breaks when Jaebeom retracts his hand away, and fully settles it on Jinyoung's thigh. He draws tiny circles on the fabric of Jinyoung’s trousers.

“Pay attention,” Jinyoung chides, but he doesn’t push away Jaebeom’s hand.

He keeps at it, dipping to the inside of Jinyoung’s thigh. He runs his fingers through the hem slowly. Jinyoung seizes his hand.

“What are you doing?” asks Jinyoung.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Jaebeom smiles, and Jinyoung lets go.

The movie becomes a succession of saturated images to Jaebeom’s view, no longer understanding where it's headed. He continues to slink his hand deeper, kneading at the firm skin. When he feels it fitting to graze the tenting in Jinyoung’s trousers, Jinyoung audibly gasps, and it’s ill-timed because the movie is dead silent.

But he doesn’t do anything. Jaebeom continues flitting his hand in between Jinyoung’s thighs, until he boldly traces the hard outline with the back of his hand.

“Give me your jacket,” Jinyoung says like it strains him.

Jaebeom temporarily removes his hand to take off his jacket. Jinyoung spreads it on his front as a cloak. Then he guides Jaebeom's hand back to his crotch, unzipping, and letting Jaebeom touch his erection.

Amidst the stillness, Jaebeom looks around as he strokes Jinyoung up and down. There aren't any patrons near their seats, no one else in their row, so Jinyoung's little pants can't be heard by other people.

“You have to quiet down,” Jaebeom whispers regardless, dragging his thumb across the head.

Jinyoung obeys, forcing his mouth close, but he couldn't stop the noises coming from the back of his throat. Then an overpowering fanfare encompasses the entire cinema as the movie reaches an exciting point.

Jaebeom increases his speed, and Jinyoung clasps his arm tight. The jacket almost slips down on the floor. He's all wound up, hot and sweating, with Jaebeom fisting his cock, building lovely pressure to reach a sweet release.

“I'm close,“ Jinyoung breathes out. So Jaebeom kneels on the floor like how men pray before their gods. He sets the jacket aside, kisses the head with soft lips. He stares up reverently at a blushing Jinyoung as he licks before taking the entire length into his mouth.

It doesn't take long. Jinyoung holds his head in place, clutching at his hair. One or two glides through the wet heat of his mouth, and Jinyoung falls apart, shooting down his throat. Jaebeom swallows it all.

Jinyoung's gratitude happens later, when he has Jaebeom below him in the backseat of his car. It still smells like they’re in a field of lavenders, as Jaebeom pulls him down and kisses him deeply, basking in the honor.

That night paints all over their ensuing encounters.

Sunday’s final schedule lends Jinyoung the capability to drink alcohol on camera. He’s all smiley, a blush on his cheeks, answering questions with a lilt in his voice. During a break, when Jaebeom has to fix his makeup, Jinyoung deems it relevant to remind him of how Jaebeom melts into his hugs.

Jaebeom nearly stabs Jinyoung’s eye with a brush. It’s not a distinctly intimate moment, but Jinyoung didn’t whisper and anyone hearing their conversation could misinterpret what he said (not that they’d be wrong). Jaebeom takes a step back, feeling warmth unfurl in his chest, and Jinyoung just barks out a laugh.

The taunting doesn’t stop there. Jinyoung with a looser tongue and scheming fingers turns out to be into mutual masturbation, when he snatches Jaebeom after the day ends and pushes him into the last bathroom cubicle.

Less than a week left into his contract, Jaebeom fears that he’s gotten too deep into this affair. He’s not lost in his foothold, and they’re both in a setting that works well for them. But Jinyoung can be an insatiable little beast, just so when Jaebeom comes home on a Monday afternoon, he’s fucking exhausted.

It doesn’t even shock him to find Jackson in the living room. It takes him a minute.

“Afternoon,” Jaebeom says. He shuts the door.

“Nice to see you again, hyung,” Jackson says with a smile.

Jaebeom smiles back weakly. “Is Youngjae in his room?”

“Yeah, we’re going out for lunch. Want to join?”

“No, thank you,” Jaebeom says. “Have fun.”

He opens the fridge and pours himself a glass of milk. Smelling that it’s already gone rancid, he lets the milk go down the drain.

Then he turns to glance around the living room. Jackson looks like he wants to say something.

“What?” he asks, before drinking water.

“So, about Jinyoung-ah,” Jackson starts.

The water goes into the wrong pipe. Jaebeom coughs harshly. “What about him?”

“He’s your talent, huh? I saw you last week,” says Jackson.

“Yeah, Jinyoung-ssi has been kind to us.” Jaebeom coughs some more until his breathing evens out.

Jackson nods, looking fairly concerned. “By the way, can we trade numbers? I’m gonna send you something.”

“Sure.” Jaebeom recites his number, and a few seconds later he receives a text from Jackson.

It reads: “ _are you two dating?_ 😶😶”

Jaebeom squats on the floor, trying to shrink himself. “I’m going to die,” Jaebeom mutters.

Jackson runs towards him. “Sorry, not my intention to presume but —”

“It’s fine. I don’t know either,” Jaebeom says this with a gnawing feeling in his ribs. They agreed not to date _yet._ But Jaebeom admits that he’s looking forward to it, that he wants to spend more time together in a concrete way.

He feels lightheaded. Jackson helps him up, as Youngjae gets out of his room.

“Jaebeom hyung, are you sick?” Youngjae asks.

“Lovesick, more like it.” Jackson sighs.

Jaebeom retreats to his bedroom and blocks their chatter by closing the door shut.

Everyone’s excitement for the end of promotions feels more palpable as the days go by. They don’t count down the remaining days, but it shimmers through the way they talk about their plans during the two-week interim until Jinyoung comes back on stage. He’s to perform for local music festivals for the next two months. Jaebeom isn’t going to be there for any of that.

The looming deadline doesn’t bother him at first, but Nari incidentally gives him a reality check.

“Jaebeom-ah,” Nari says, “what are your plans after this?”

He can’t answer, because he hasn’t thought about it in detail yet. There are hazy goals in his mind but nothing’s set in stone.

“I’ll try to learn more about music,” Jaebeom says flimsily.

“I see.” Nari’s face then becomes somber, uncharacteristic of her. “What about Jinyoung-ssi?”

“He’ll have to go practice?” Jaebeom feels his guts twist.

“No, what about you two?” she says cautiously.

Nari probably means this as a “gotcha” moment, but Jaebeom absorbs the question as both them being careless and the deadline’s scope may extend to their relationship. Whatever their relationship is.

“No idea,” Jaebeom confesses.

“I’m not gonna chastise you.” She smiles gently. “I’m surprised, but it’s okay, it happens. But Haru might have something more to say.”

Jaebeom steels himself for the onslaught of questions, but nothing else comes. Jinyoung fades into the background of his worries momentarily. They’re going to meet later anyway. He quietly applies makeup on Jinyoung as he always does according to the first meeting. Jinyoung conforms to the amicable silence.

Haru eventually finds her way to Jaebeom’s side before the day ends. Jinyoung’s last schedule is playing a bunch of games with kids, and the staff views it from a monitor. Jaebeom is not watching anymore as he waits for Haru to say something.

“Hi Jaebeom-ah,” she says.

“Hello noona.” Jaebeom bows.

“I won’t sugarcoat it. If you want to continue in this field, your reputation will take a hit,” Haru says bluntly. “They don’t take kindly to people who’ve had special relationships with their client.”

Jaebeom lowers his head. Haru’s right. He comes in a fucking newbie, with not much to back up his competence except the strong recommendation of a trusted employee, and he walks on to seduce the idol. What a lovely stain on his name.

“I want to see more of you, as your colleague,” she continues.

“Thank you, I really did enjoy doing makeup,” Jaebeom says quietly.

“We know.” Haru smiles, reassuring. “A heart can be both fickle and fragile. I hope you two take care of each other.”

“Did you…” Jaebeom stops to search for the right words. “Does anyone else know?

“Dongsun hyung. Why?”

“Oh, so that’s why he told me to be careful.”

“I said I'm the one who started it — this,” Jinyoung states firmly. “I told him the truth.”

Jaebeom focuses on the ceiling. He should say something, about why they can't continue this, that it would only hurt in the long run. He should say that this can't work out, stop thinking that this is larger than it is. 

He should do many things, out of obligation, but he also stubbornly doesn't want to.

He pulls Jinyoung closer, spooning him. They didn't even have sex tonight; Jinyoung just wanted to cuddle and talk about nothing. Jinyoung booked this hotel room to spend time with him like this. It hurts all the same, but this cuts deeper, a little more desperately, like tending to a fire that’s destined to burn out.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung whispers, looking at Jaebeom's fingers, “you're not secretly married, are you?”

Jaebeom can't help the laugh that escapes his throat. 

“No, I just like wearing it,” he says.

Jinyoung closes his eyes and lays his head against Jaebeom’s shoulder. “She talked to me too.”

“Haru noona?”

“Yup.” Jinyoung takes a deep breath. “Will this bode poorly for you?”

 _What “this” are you referring to_ _?_ Jaebeom wants to ask, but he chooses to take it generally.

“I don’t know. Maybe it could spell the end for me,” Jaebeom says.

“I’m sorry,” Jinyoung says, sitting straight. Jaebeom releases his hold around Jinyoung’s waist.

Jinyoung turns to face him, the depths of his eyes are fringed with remorse.

Jaebeom kisses the tip of his nose. “Not your fault. Aren’t we adults?”

“This is a different context.” Jinyoung pouts. Then he kisses the corner of Jaebeom’s mouth.

“I could make a living out of fishing.” Jaebeom smiles.

Jinyoung raises an eyebrow. “But you’re bad at that.”

“Rude.” Jaebeom laughs. “I don’t have money troubles anyway, so I can invest and see how it goes.”

“Yeah I gathered that money is the least of your worries,” Jinyoung says.

Jaebeom looks down as Jinyoung holds his hand. “Or music.”

“We could sing together,” Jinyoung says before he presses a kiss to Jaebeom’s knuckles.

“Or photography,” Jaebeom says.

“I like that, too.”

It isn’t lost on him, how Jinyoung inserts himself in his plans. He hates how Jinyoung effortlessly soothes his nerves. It feeds that part of his mind that there really is a future in this, with him.

Jaebeom smiles. “Let’s see how it goes.”

The last day of the four-week promotion period arrives. Jinyoung’s final schedule is a medley of all the songs in his album. He performs beautifully as he does, swaying to the music. During an instrumental part, he thanks his loving fans and his team on camera.

At the lounge, when it dawns on everyone that the promotion period is over, that this small world has come to an end, Dongsun stands up to do a short speech, thanking everyone for their hard work. Jinyoung gets the invisible mic next, thanking each of them profusely for supporting him and making the past month bearable. He ends by jokingly alluding to his next event in two weeks.

Jaebeom’s smile struggles to stay on his lips; he won’t be a part of the team for that. It’s voluntary resignation as much as an inevitable dismissal. Not that the team won’t welcome him back in, but Eunhye will need her job soon, or Nari or Haru will fill in the gap. Gossip about his relationship with Jinyoung will also spread, and not everyone will be okay with that.

They pose for pictures by the leather couch, taking multiple group shots. The staff members upload them to their private instagram accounts. Jaebeom feels compelled to share one too, since it’s his last day. After all is said and done, he’s still thankful for everything. He comes back home content.

Jaebeom doesn’t hear from Jinyoung for two days. The last message he received is Jinyoung explaining that he’s going to be busy brainstorming for new projects. Jaebeom scraps the self-imposed sleep schedule and permits himself to drift through time. On the third day, while he’s having brunch at three in the afternoon, Jinyoung calls him.

“Hi, missed you,” Jinyoung says as a greeting.

Jaebeom feels like he’s found an oasis in the drought. “Hey Jinyoung-ah,” he replies. “Missed you too.”

“What’s occupying your thoughts these days?” asks Jinyoung.

“Nothing, a lot of things,” Jaebeom answers. “What about you?”

“I’m free this afternoon. Talk about it over coffee?” Jinyoung says with mirth.

“Okay, text me where.”

Jaebeom finishes his meal in record time. He showers while there’s still daylight for the first time in three days. Jinyoung sends him a pin of the location of the café, and it’s the one right across the company building. When he arrives, Jinyoung is already sitting at a table with two cups of coffee.

“Long time no see,” Jinyoung says.

“Was that long? I didn’t notice.” Jaebeom smiles.

Jinyoung narrows his eyes. “You just said you missed me.”

“Doesn’t matter,” says Jaebeom. “Why’d you call me over?”

“To hang out. Have you eaten lunch yet?”

“Brunch. I woke up at two.”

Jinyoung laughs. “A functional member of society.”

They talk about Jinyoung’s new projects, how he’s been receiving scripts and negotiating the time frames with others. He mentions a musical he’s attending with his friends next week. Jaebeom listens, comments here and there. He doesn’t have any updates about himself, only that he’s doing a lot of thinking. Jinyoung encourages him to rest before picking up something new. The musical is brought up once again, and Jaebeom thinks about whether he’ll divulge he’s watching it too, that he’s friends with Youngjae, but he doesn’t even have a ticket yet.

Jinyoung then describes his weekend plans, with magazine shoots and endorsements. “And if you’re available on Saturday night, I’ll pick you up,” he says, eyes darkening and sultry as he takes a sip. Jaebeom feels the fervor like he’s standing beside an open flame.

“Sure, we could meet,” Jaebeom obliges.

And so, the next time they're alone together, everything happens at a much faster pace. A tryst characterized with nothing but teeth and tongue and lips wanting to devour. 

Jinyoung drives them to his apartment and leads Jaebeom to his room. He pushes Jaebeom down his bed, littering kiss marks all over his torso as he goes south. He strips Jaebeom off his underwear, the last piece of clothing, and Jinyoung eyes his erection like he's hungry. He spreads Jaebeom's knees and lies down between his legs.

It's Jinyoung who looks up at him with pleading eyes, but Jaebeom is the one who begs.

“Please, Jinyoung-ah,” he says with a soft gasp. “God, please — just —”

Jinyoung languidly licks at the tip. His lips are scarlet, not from kissing, but from a Tom Ford lipstick he’s received after filming another commercial. _Gift it to your girlfriend_ , they had said, but Jinyoung uses it instead to tease Jaebeom’s cock.

“Tell me what you want, hyung.” Jinyoung's hot breath against his cock makes him shudder. And coupled with a finger pushing at his rim, Jaebeom lets out a broken moan.

“Please,” he grits out, like he’s burdened by too much desire. “Please fuck me.”

Jinyoung smiles against the underside of his cock. “You'll have to earn it.”

He drags his lips back up, the pretty image of it leaving an impression on Jaebeom's mind. Throughout all this edging, Jinyoung finally laps up Jaebeom's leaking head, and Jaebeom's cock twitches in Jinyoung's hand, feeling like he's seconds away from an orgasm.

“Sorry, baby. This is what you get for washing up,” Jinyoung coos. Then he slowly swallows the entire length, enjoying the weight of Jaebeom's cock in his mouth, at the same time he finally pushes a finger in. Jaebeom jerks his hips up, pleasure coursing from his groin to his entire body. His hands are starting to hurt from gripping the sheets too hard.

Jinyoung's mouth is so warm around him. He stays like that for a full second, it's deliberate torture. The lone finger feels around inside, then finally grinds into his prostate. Jaebeom moans, full and bodied.

“Fuck, Jinyoung-ah,” he says breathlessly. And Jinyoung smiles with Jaebeom's cock halfway in his mouth, the only warning he makes before he sucks him properly.

The sensation feels too much, sharp and concentrated, before melting like waves. Jaebeom thrusts lightly while Jinyoung bobs his head at a good pace. His finger is still hooked at that spot, and Jaebeom knows he can't last long.

His hands fly to Jinyoung's hair, urging him to continue until that sweet release. He's close to reaching it, just a few more dips into the hot suction of Jinyoung's mouth. And then, Jinyoung slides off completely.

He withdraws his finger next, and Jaebeom feels painfully empty in all fronts. Jinyoung smiles up at him, an executioner enjoying his little deaths.

“Fuck,” is all Jaebeom could say between heavy pants. Jinyoung wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, lipstick smeared.

“You still good, baby?” Jinyoung asks, rubbing his face against Jaebeom's thigh. Jaebeom wants to drag him up and kiss him.

“God, fuck —” Jaebeom groans. “I told you to fuck me.”

“Have you earned it?” Jinyoung licks at his thigh, all the way down, nearing the center. He sucks at a patch of skin and it leaves another kiss mark.

Jaebeom is hypnotized with the feeling. “Please,” he begs again. “Just, please —” he breaks off when Jinyoung traces another finger against his hole, feathery light.

Then Jinyoung stops again and turns him over to his stomach. “Up,” he says, patting on Jaebeom's hips.

Jaebeom grinds down the mattress before he obeys. Maybe he could come just from all the teasing.

Jinyoung holds him in place with both hands at his hips. Jaebeom buries his head into a silk pillow, ass ready and waiting. He hears Jinyoung open a bottle, and feels the cold drops of lube on his cheeks, slipping down in between.

“Can you take it raw?” asks Jinyoung. He spreads Jaebeom's cheeks, and pushes two fingers in.

Jaebeom tips his head over and moans, bucking against the fingers. The stretch in his hole feels amazing, better than before, and Jinyoung keeps dragging it in and out, up to the hilt, as deep as he could.

Then Jinyoung drapes over him as he inserts the third finger. His body heat embraces Jaebeom's sweaty back that it borders on too warm. Jaebeom feels full and open, dizzy with pleasure and the thought of being stuffed with Jinyoung's cock. He's almost prepared, it's almost there.

“You haven't answered my question,” Jinyoung whispers into his ear, and Jaebeom shivers.

“Are you clean?” he asks back, voice labored. He bites down when Jinyoung hits his prostate.

“Yes, would you like me to get the papers?” Jinyoung says, smiling, while fucking into him harder. Jaebeom is nearing orgasm again, can no longer control grinding against Jinyoung's fingers, his airy noises pitching up.

“Fuck, please, I'm clean too,” Jaebeom says, before he gets too lost in the heat. “Put your cock inside me.”

Jinyoung retracts his fingers in a heartbeat. Jaebeom stops himself from complaining about another abrupt end. Jinyoung lifts himself off Jaebeom with a grunt.

Jaebeom peeks behind, and watches Jinyoung slick himself up, his hard cock glistening with lube.

“Like what you see?” Jinyoung says without looking up, feeling his stare. Jaebeom's breath hitches.

“Hurry up,” he whines. Jinyoung makes eye contact then, and maintains it while he enters Jaebeom slowly.

If he felt full with three fingers, it's nothing compared to now. Jaebeom lets out a long drawn out exhale, getting used to the size. Jinyoung rolls his hips gently, and fire spreads from Jaebeom's crotch. He could come untouched with this.

Jinyoung kisses his back while he waits. It takes a few more seconds before Jaebeom tells Jinyoung to fuck into him.

Jinyoung's careful at first, getting used to the tightness, then he thrusts in hard, and Jaebeom could feel the pleasure building up. Jinyoung pounds into him harder with each turn, poking around to graze against his prostate. And when it finally hits, Jaebeom mewls.

“Faster, Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebeom orders.

“Fuck,” Jinyoung says, and he does, thrusting into Jaebeom's entrance with full force. He snaps his hips with increased speed, and Jaebeom responds by grinding back, craving more.

Jinyoung grips his hips tightly, angling his thrusts better to fuck into Jaebeom deeply. He keeps slamming into the spot, and Jaebeom finally feels he'll get his orgasm this time.

Jinyoung pounds into him as Jaebeom goes limp, cum spilling on the sheets. He tries to catch his breath, but Jinyoung falls on top of him, still relentlessly thrusting into him. So he succumbs to electrifying waves of pleasure, until Jinyoung's hips stutter, his noises getting more strained. He's getting close.

“In me, in me,” Jaebeom says. A few more thrusts, and Jinyoung moans, filling him up with cum.

Nobody speaks for a while, as what usually happens after they fuck. Jinyoung slips out of him, and Jaebeom savors the slide, the way his hole feels wet and used.

Jinyoung moves to the side, and Jaebeom turns to face him. Jinyoung's eyes are closed, evening his breath. The lipstick is messy now, and his hair is sticky with sweat.

Jaebeom moves in closer to give him a peck. Jinyoung opens his eyes.

“Hi,” he says, voice small.

Jaebeom kisses him again. “One more round.”

Jinyoung miraculously finds time to meet Jaebeom despite his claims of being busy. They’re together almost every night, not only for sexual gratification. The booty calls have turned into invitations to be in each other’s space in the purest sense of the word. Jinyoung never labels them as dates, but Jaebeom, most of the time, wouldn't mind if that was the case. He'd be willing to come to wherever Jinyoung is, if he'd ask.

Scary how he means that with his whole heart.

When he’s not with Jinyoung, Jaebeom stays in the flat. It’s empty, it’s just him, because Youngjae is often occupied with his musical. Jaebeom wanted to use his period of unemployment to rest and focus on himself. Instead, he’s being spoiled with attention, so he keeps looking for it.

One night, Youngjae texts him that he’ll be back earlier than expected, so Jaebeom finally has better things to do than stare at the clock and wait for a call. By the door, Youngjae waves a black envelope at Jaebeom.

“Here are your tickets to the musical.” Youngjae puts the envelope down on the kitchen table.

Jaebeom makes a bee line to him. “How much?”

“It’s on me.”

“You’re the best.” Jaebeom grins.

Youngjae shrugs. “There’re backstage passes in here. It’s strongly encouraged that you bring flowers to me.”

“Sure.” Jaebeom laughs.

“Will you be bringing a date? I reserved two tickets for you. If not, I’m giving the other one to Jackson hyung.” Youngjae tosses his duffel bag to his bedroom door. It lands with a loud thud.

“No, he’s going with someone else,” Jaebeom says. “I’m touched that you saw me as a priority.” He bats his eyelashes at Youngjae.

Youngjae ignores the last statement. “Park Jinyoung is going?”

“It’s crazy, but I think he’s looking forward to your musical,” says Jaebeom.

“And you say this now,” says Youngjae like it’s unbelievable. “I’m telling Jackson hyung I want to meet him.”

“Don’t,” Jaebeom snaps out of nowhere.

Youngjae’s smile widens to a knowing grin. “When did you become greedy?”

Jaebeom guiltily looks away. “You’ll meet him soon enough.”

The taxi driver drops Jaebeom off near the theatre entrance. The doors are already open, and nostalgia kicks in when he peeks inside. The vintage chandelier still hangs at the center of the lobby, the gold bannisters are draped with rose gold tulle, hanging from the side, and the silver railings are the same, as well as the signage hand-painted in black. Jaebeom used to hang around here, handling heavy boxes for the stage production and heading logistics.

He styled his hair differently for tonight, even wearing the maroon button-down he keeps for special events. He holds his folded blazer on his arm. A few people are standing outside with him, dressed in more formal attire than he is. They look at the posters, commenting as they walk around.

It’s thirty minutes until the musical starts. Jaebeom gets his ticket checked before finding his assigned seat on the center block. There are many people trickling in already, Youngjae might get a full house for opening night.

Then ten minutes in, the seats are almost full. The florist he contacted to prepare Youngjae’s flowers for him confirms delivery. Jinyoung and the others become a passing thought. Jaebeom takes a quick glance around his seat and doesn’t recognize anyone. Maybe he’ll text Jinyoung later, deciding to grant this time to enjoy Youngjae’s performance alone.

The theatre dims, and the red curtain rises. The story develops quickly right off the bat, and Youngjae is almost always the focus. His full vocal color is crystal clear for the role, the sorrow and pain and happiness and ecstasy kindled whenever he wants to. The musical’s a bit whimsical, with magical elements, gorgeous villains, and fun humor. Jaebeom likes that the overarching theme is man versus fate, and Youngjae broke the shackles — circumstances that tied him down, so he could rise above and beyond.

They receive a loud applause at the end, the entire cast beaming on stage for the bow.

After the attendants usher everyone out, Jaebeom utilizes his backstage pass. Behind the curtains lie the real messiness of production. There are props thrown everywhere, people running about. Most of them are huddled to celebrate, kissing each other on the cheek. He sees Youngjae standing at a corner, talking to someone, and already carrying his bouquet in hand.

“Youngjae!” Jaebeom calls.

Youngjae shouts back at him to come closer. He recognizes the person Youngjae’s talking to as the one who called him a few weeks before.

“Fancy seeing you here, Jaebeom-ah,” his old colleague says. “How are you?”

“Just finished a makeup stint.” Jaebeom smiles. “Congratulations.”

“I’ve been pushing Jaebeom hyung to learn how to score plays,” Youngjae says, lying.

The former colleague looks delighted. “Oh good! We need all the help we could get here. We might work again someday.”

“Sure, but don’t bet on it.” Jaebeom laughs.

After mingling with the cast and staff for a short while, with Jaebeom tailing behind, Youngjae finally gets the pass to leave. They walk back to the lobby together. A delivery boy comes up to them then, asking for Choi Youngjae. He’s dragging a trolley of bouquets with different floral arrangements.

“Told them to give this to me when they watch.” Youngjae says as he receives the delivery. The note attached reads that these came from his family.

“When are they watching?” Jaebeom asks.

“On Saturday. It’s difficult to unite them on a weekday,” Youngjae says.

Jaebeom picks up a bouquet with a teddy bear on top. “So how are you gonna get these flowers home?”

“You bring them home,” Youngjae says, smiling. “I’m gonna be with Jackson hyung.”

Jaebeom groans, left with no other options. Before he came here tonight, he did plan on heading home. He should have invited Jinyoung so he’ll have an excuse.

He assists Youngjae in carrying his family’s gifts. They make a turn to go down the stairs, when Youngjae sees Jackson with another huge bouquet. Jaebeom looks away, laughing, then stopping because he’s gonna have to stuff them all in the taxi.

Jackson meets Youngjae halfway down the stairwell, while Jaebeom continues descending. At the foot of the stairs, he looks up to check if they’re following him, only to see Jackson give Youngjae a kiss on the cheek.

Jaebeom walks to the exit, not looking back.

There are many people still roaming around this late in the evening. Jaebeom goes to the right, a few steps away from the entrance, and leans a bouquet against the wall. He gets his phone from his blazer's inner pocket to compare taxi fares.

Then as if attracted by a magnet, he turns to his left and sees Jinyoung, Mark, Yugyeom and Bambam on the other side of the entrance. Jinyoung, especially, has his eyes locked on Jaebeom.

Jaebeom waves at him with a smile. Jinyoung speaks to Mark before approaching Jaebeom.

“You didn’t tell me,” Jinyoung says.

“You never asked,” Jaebeom replies.

Jinyoung slaps his arm. “We could just tell each other stuff, you know.”

“Want one as my sorry?” Jaebeom teases. He can't help but smile at Jinyoung, who's increasingly agitated by the situation.

Then Jinyoung sighs loudly. “You look nice, wearing that.”

Jaebeom takes the compliment well. “As do you.”

Jinyoung checks a tag on the bouquet he's holding. “It's for Choi Youngjae.” He scans Jaebeom's face. “Is he your boyfriend?”

Jaebeom laughs. “No, never. He's my friend. We live together.”

“Yet another thing I don't know about you.” Jinyoung pouts. Jaebeom could tell he's genuinely sulking.

“Besides,” says Jaebeom, “I think Youngjae's seeing Jackson.” A pause. “You wanna meet Youngjae?”

“Some other time,” Jinyoung says.

Jackson and Youngjae finally head out the doors. Jackson greets the other three first and says his goodbye. Then the three bow to Youngjae and give their congratulations.

Youngjae catches sight of Jinyoung first before looking at Jaebeom. Jinyoung bows and also says his praise.

“Youngjae-yah,” says Jaebeom. “Can we get these to his car?” He lifts an arm to emphasize the bouquets.

Jackson smiles and answers for him, “Sure Jaebeom hyung. I'll get those for you.”

“Jaebeom _hyung_?” Jinyoung whispers beside him.

“Hey Jinyoungie,” greets Jackson as he receives the bouquets. Then Jackson looks at Jaebeom. “Stay safe, you two.”

“Didn't he go with you?” asks Jaebeom as they watch Youngjae and Jackson cross the street and enter Jackson's car.

“No, said he already has a reserved seat.” Jinyoung presses his lips into a thin line. “So you're close with him.”

“He knows Youngjae,” Jaebeom says gently.

“Jinyoung!” Mark yells. “Are you leaving or what?”

“Come with me,” Jinyoung says to Jaebeom, before dragging him by the sleeve.

“Jackson hyung!” Yugyeom then shouts at the car. “We're taking a picture!”

Jackson immediately exits his car to cross the street. Jinyoung volunteers Jaebeom as the photographer and he places his phone into Jaebeom’s hand while they pose in front of the theatre. He takes many shots.

Then they all say goodbyes to each other along with joking and loud teasing. Jaebeom retreats to the side after giving back Jinyoung’s phone.

Jinyoung takes a step into his space.

“They all brought their own cars. Wanna go somewhere else?” Jinyoung asks Jaebeom, as they both watch Jackson drive away first.

“You guys coming?” Bambam asks, pointing at their parked cars down the road.

“No, you guys go ahead. Thanks again for accompanying me,” says Jinyoung.

“Sure, hyung. Next time we’ll go to the beach.” Bambam makes a motion of swimming.

“Or Jeju, whichever comes first,” Yugyeom adds.

“See you later, Jinyoung-ah! Bye Jaebeom-ssi!” Mark waves at them. The other two do the same while they walk away.

It strikes Jaebeom again that this could have been a date. They certainly look the part, wearing pressed dress shirts and leather shoes. If they’ve been a bit more romantic, he could have done more. But they aren’t. He thinks, not a little envious, of Youngjae already having someone he can be loyal with, while he's still stuck here latching onto something volatile.

“Hyung,” says Jinyoung. “Let’s go?”

Something bitter pools on his tongue, reminding him of coffee. It sucks that he'll still respond to Jinyoung's every beck and call.

“Where’s your car?” asks Jaebeom.

“On the other street. They all got here before me,” Jinyoung says.

They walk to a more secluded area and Jinyoung’s black car comes to view. Jaebeom feels like his heart is being crushed while they approach the vehicle. He knows what’s gonna happen next: Jinyoung will drive him to his place, then they'll fuck and cuddle, they'll talk about superficial shit, then he'll come home to an empty room. Jaebeom likes to plan things ahead, but since he nurtured these incessant feelings, every turn seems bleak. Jinyoung will surely cast him aside one day.

Although, he can’t ever predict what will happen next when feelings are involved. So he dives, to feel around the dark.

“I have to tell you something,” Jaebeom says, voice low. And without waiting for Jinyoung to react, once he manages to calm down his heart, he says in one breath, “I like you.”

With all the grace he prides himself with, Jinyoung trips over thin air. “Sorry” — cough — “can you repeat that?”

“I like you. I wouldn't be spending time with you if I didn't, Jinyoungie.”

“I — I like you too,” Jinyoung says, but he’s wavering. “What are you leading at?”

“I want to have a serious relationship with you. I can’t do casual anymore.”

Jinyoung looks away. Jaebeom’s blood runs cold. Then Jinyoung says slowly, “I’m sorry, Jaebeom hyung.”


	3. Chapter 3

Jaebeom has been rejected before in many aspects of his life. In each setback, he makes sure to come back stronger, vowing to be a better version of himself. Failure always tailgates triumph, and it’s never intimidated him before. Either he wins or he learns, he still gets something valuable in return.

But with several of his plans falling through, Jaebeom feels numb. Regretting over missed opportunities? He’ll write it down, release, and start over again. But forgetting the people he likes but don’t like him back? Easier said than done. Jaebeom curses himself for being a fool in love.

Youngjae knocks on his door. “Hyung, are you awake? Are you clothed?”

“Come in,” Jaebeom says.

“I’m leaving now,” Youngjae says. “There’s food in the fridge.”

“Are we stocked up on ice cream?” asks Jaebeom.

Youngjae looks up to recall. “Don’t think so. I’ll try to buy some when I go home next weekend.”

“Thanks.” Jaebeom smiles faintly.

“So sorry, hyung,” says Youngjae.

“Take care.”

Jaebeom is left alone again. He’s been staying in his bed unmoving since that day. Youngjae has been nice enough to deliver him meals whenever he’s at home. Jaebeom doesn’t remember the last time he felt like this, can’t remember how to bury it all down and convince himself he’s okay. How long does it usually take until the hurt fades away? He doesn’t want to rely on alcohol. Every hour that passes only elevates the hollowness in his chest.

His phone rings, and he wishes it’s Jinyoung.

“Hello Jaebeomie.” It’s Eunhye. Jaebeom sits up.

“Hi noona, your baby is adorable,” Jaebeom says.

“Everyone's gushing about the baby but no one asks about me,” Eunhye whines.

Jaebeom laughs. It feels like it’s been months since he did. “Okay noona, how's life?”

“Good! My husband is very supportive and my little angel's such a blessing.”

Jaebeom smiles. “The baby looks a lot like you.”

“You're the first one to say that. Everyone says he looks like his father.”

“I think I need to get my eyes checked,” he jokes.

Eunhye laughs. “I've heard what happened.”

“About what?”

“You and Jinyoungie,” says Eunhye.

Jaebeom swallows. News couldn't have travelled that fast. Or Jinyoung is telling people about him. It’s only been a few days.

“What about us?” asks Jaebeom neutrally.

“Don't play coy with me. How did you even start a relationship with him? He's like an old man,” says Eunhye.

“It was a collaborative effort.” Jaebeom tries not to sigh. “Jinyoung's lead.”

“Wow, cunning.” Eunhye hums. “Your handsome face finally nabbed someone decent.”

Decent is debatable, if decent meant not having commitment issues.

“I didn't have many relationships, noona,” says Jaebeom.

“Yes, yes, staying humble is important,” Eunhye jokes. “I’m not gonna ask more about it, just that, are you sure? Staying with him will cost you a lot.”

Jaebeom exhales. It has already costed a lot, and Jinyoung didn’t even stay. “We’re still trying to navigate it,” he lies, despite himself.

“Okay,” Eunhye says. “I’ll scold you some other time.”

“Please don't.” Jaebeom laughs but he’s seriously not looking forward to it.

Eunhye then talks about something else. “I’ve got a favor to ask. Are you busy this week?”

“I’ll look into it,” Jaebeom says. “What’s the favor?”

“So, Dongsun called to see if I’m okay with working again. Jinyoung suddenly got invited to this big event and they’re short-staffed. Haru’s still on vacation, et cetera, et cetera.”

“Did you accept?” asks Jaebeom.

“Of course not!” Eunhye says. “But I recommended you again. He agreed. Will you?”

Jaebeom hums. He honestly wants to turn it down.

Eunhye continues, trying to convince him. “The pay’s bigger because it’s an emergency. And it’s _Jinyoung_ , come on.”

Does he really need the money? Jaebeom moves to the edge. One last time wouldn’t hurt. It could be good practice for farewells.

“Okay, when?” he asks. He tries to recall when Jinyoung’s music festivals start.

“Tomorrow’s the meeting. Thursday’s the event,” Eunhye answers. “I’ll send you the details.”

“Sure, noona,” Jaebeom says, resigned.

“Thank you Jaebeomie! You won’t regret this.”

Come tomorrow morning, Jaebeom’s alarm pierces through the quietness of the apartment. He heads straight to the bathroom and spends a long time under the shower to wash the gloom away. At the bus stop is where he blanks out, and the next thing he's aware of is arriving at the company, walking towards the elevator, and entering it seconds before Jinyoung rushes in.

The inside is suffocating with only the two of them. Jinyoung’s eyes are fixed on the silver doors, while he holds a paper bag with four cups of coffee bought from the café across the building. He's wearing gold-framed glasses, looking like he just got out of bed.

“Good morning,” Jaebeom says stiffly.

“Morning,” replies Jinyoung. And nothing else follows.

Nari and Dongsun are already in the meeting room when Jinyoung opens the door. Jaebeom enters after him, sitting on the chair beside Nari. Jinyoung distributes the coffee and Dongsun then begins the briefing. He keeps watch of Jaebeom and Jinyoung as they go, checking if they would go over the line. It looks like Jinyoung hasn’t told anybody what happened.

The meeting ends after an hour, and Nari assists Jinyoung with fitting the new outfits. Jaebeom is assigned to hair and makeup, and he doesn’t take it personally when Jinyoung doesn’t speak a word to him. He’s at least thankful that the awkwardness between them seems to translate as them keeping up a professional relationship.

It’s three days before the event, and agreeing to Eunhye is gradually turning into a bad decision. Seeing Jinyoung again just makes his heart hurt.

He arrives home feeling conflicted, like everything has reset to zero. If he has progressed at all with getting over Jinyoung, it’s absolutely gone now. Jaebeom then reverts to sulking in his bed, lamenting over being close to Jinyoung in three days and having to fake a smile around him.

The day before the event, his phone rings. He answers it without looking at the caller ID because he no longer expects it to be Jinyoung. They’re going to see each other tomorrow anyway.

“Hello?” Jaebeom says.

“Hyung.” It’s just one word, but it already causes Jaebeom’s heart to skip a beat.

“Jinyoung —?”

“Where are you?” Jinyoung asks like he’s running out of breath.

“At home,” he answers, waiting.

“Can I come up?” Jinyoung asks.

“Why?”

“We need to talk.” Jinyoung pauses. “No, fuck, _I_ need to talk to you.” 

“I’ll meet you downstairs,” says Jaebeom evenly.

“I’m outside your door.” Jinyoung knocks to prove it before ending the call.

Jaebeom is standing in the kitchen, about to get kimchi from the fridge. He also hasn’t showered in two days. Jaebeom’s feet seem glued to the floor, suddenly self-conscious of his smell.

Jinyoung knocks again. _Fuck it_. Jaebeom opens the door.

“Hey,” says Jinyoung. He’s still catching his breath, chest heavily rising and falling.

“Did you run up the stairs?” asks Jaebeom before his heart lurches out.

Jinyoung wipes sweat off his neck with a sleeve. “The elevator’s too slow.”

“This is the tenth floor,” Jaebeom points out.

“May I please come in?” Jinyoung says, demands almost.

Jaebeom steps aside. “How’d you know my unit number?”

“Jackson,” says Jinyoung as he steps inside.

He takes a seat by the kitchen table and waits for Jaebeom to join him.

A breeze passes through Jaebeom while he closes the door. He gets a whiff of how bad he stinks. Mortified, he sucks in a breath through his teeth.

“Can I take a bath first?” asks Jaebeom, voice almost shaking.

“Sorry?”

“We’ll talk after, I promise,” he says, then he runs off to the bathroom.

“Before you say anything, I know I should have texted first but I bought —” Youngjae looks up from rummaging the brown paper bag tucked in his arm and comes face to face with Jinyoung, sitting at the kitchen table.

“Hi, sorry, Jaebeom's in the bathroom,” Jinyoung says meekly.

“Hello.” Youngjae smiles. “Nice to finally meet you, Jinyoung-ssi.” He sets the bags on the counter, not bothering to get the contents and put them in the cupboards just yet.

“Same here,” Jinyoung pipes up. He stands up quickly, wobbling a little from the sudden motion. Youngjae can't refrain from smiling wider. “I'm a big fan, Youngjae-ssi.”

Oh, Youngjae warms up to that. He takes Jinyoung's outstretched hand and shakes it. Jinyoung says something else but he misses it when Jaebeom conveniently makes his appearance, fresh out of the shower, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Jinyoung-ah is there someone at the door —”

Jinyoung swallows a little loudly. Youngjae just hums in amusement.

“Hi Youngjae,” Jaebeom says, feigning coolness. It takes another second before he comes to his senses. “Didn't receive a text.”

“I bought you ice cream, but I think you don't need it anymore?”

“I’ll pay you for it, thanks,” Jaebeom says shortly.

Youngjae grins as he pats a paper bag on the counter. “Great. Okay don’t mind me, just gonna put these on the cupboard.”

“It’s fine, I’ll do it,” Jaebeom says. He’s not so subtly trying to get rid of Youngjae. A silence engulfs the room. 

Youngjae gives up, seeing the mental anguish on Jaebeom’s face. “Gonna take a nap. Stay as long as you like, Jinyoung-ssi.” Youngjae smiles.

Jaebeom looks done with his excellent timing, while Jinyoung smiles back.

When Youngjae closes his door, Jinyoung returns to his seat. Jaebeom feels his stare as he throws aside the garments strewn across the couch. Youngjae came home one night and dumped all of this with no precedent.

“Jaebeom hyung,” Jinyoung says.

“I’m gonna put on clothes,” says Jaebeom. “Sit here.” He pats on the cushion before moving back to his room.

Inside, Jaebeom tries to clear his head while scavenging around his closet for clean clothes. He regrets putting off the laundry now. It’s still surreal, having Jinyoung in his home.

He walks out wearing a college shirt he hasn’t worn in years. Jinyoung’s seated on the couch, silent. His face reflects the pain Jaebeom feels inside.

Jaebeom drags his feet through the carpet, and finally sits beside Jinyoung.

“Can I begin?” Jinyoung says.

Jaebeom nods.

“I’m sorry for rejecting you. I’m sorry for the way I said it,” says Jinyoung, looking into his eyes.

“If you’re gonna say what you’ve already told me through texts, just stop,” Jaebeom says, tired.

“Please listen,” Jinyoung begs. “You know the nature of my work. It’s time-consuming, demanding, and you weren’t around then but scheduling can get too fucked up. I don't do official relationships, not because I'm scared of falling in love, but because I'm scared of what could happen.” He sighs. “I don’t want to neglect you. I don’t want you to hate me in the long run.”

Jaebeom stays silent.

“But the truth is, we kept seeing each other and we made it work. We found the right balance, didn’t we?” Jinyoung puts a hand on top of Jaebeom's.

Jaebeom takes a sharp intake of breath. “Jinyoung-ah, you don't have to force yourself.”

“You really made me happy. And I want to do the same for you,” Jinyoung says softly, drawing closer.

“It’s okay —”

“Jaebeom hyung,” Jinyoung says like it’s safe in his mouth. “Please stay with me. I want to try again, for real this time.”

Jaebeom feels tided by a thousand emotions. He doesn’t know what to say. It’s déjà vu from the first time they discussed it, and he already paid the price for asking too much. Everything starts to hurt again.

But Jinyoung’s presence keeps him off the edge. The look in his eyes now makes Jaebeom want to cave in, so rich with passion and conviction. Without thinking, Jaebeom reaches for his cheek and presses their lips together.

It’s not an answer, but it feels like it is. Despite the tremor in his heart, Jaebeom yields to the tenderness of kissing Jinyoung. He tilts his head, swiping a tongue over Jinyoung’s bottom lip. They break apart when they hear Youngjae’s door unlocking.

“Hey guys,” Youngjae greets, heading to the fridge.

Jaebeom comes back down to Earth. Jinyoung is looking at him expectantly.

He whispers, “I’ll think about it.”

At the event itself, they feel more relaxed in each other’s presence. They talk when needed, but other than that, Jaebeom just does his job and Jinyoung respectfully keeps his space. Jaebeom also learned that after this day, Jinyoung will be leaving for the next music festival. So he wishes Jinyoung good luck quietly, and Jinyoung thanks him with a warm smile. At least it’s not as stilted as before. 

The hair and makeup is a single session only, but Dongsun asks Jaebeom to stay until the end for dinner, with Jinyoung footing the bill. Said dinner takes place in one of the barbeque places near Eunhye’s house so they could dote on the baby after. Nari has Eunhye on video call to inform her, while they all engage in friendly conversation and Jaebeom feels like he belongs again. The staff members are all as energetic as last time, always including everyone in their inquiry of adventures. A pause only comes the moment Jinyoung arrives, dressed out of his outfit from the event.

He sits beside Jaebeom, and the air is instantly different. Jaebeom glances at him, and he smiles.

Nari then speaks up. “Cheers to the lovely couple.”

Jinyoung covers his face with one hand while Jaebeom looks down shyly. They’re not even a real couple, yet it’s astonishing how everyone has just accepted that they are, how openly they can tease them like this.

“Chill out, Jaebeom-ah. You look like someone spat on your food,” Nari teases.

“If you’re worried about the press, just know they wouldn’t care because you’re non-showbiz,” a staff member adds. “Jinyoung-ssi’s an expert in that.”

Jinyoung keeps quiet; he seems prepared to be teased like this. He drinks from his cup of tea before bringing up memories from the past. They aren’t the focus for long, and Jaebeom breathes freely. The night stretches on like this, pleasant and full of laughter.

Before leaving, and after everyone’s done looking at Eunhye’s baby, Jaebeom waits for Jinyoung near Eunhye’s front gate. 

“Hey,” he says when he sees Jinyoung.

“Hi.” Jinyoung approaches him. “Do you want a ride?” he asks.

Jaebeom smiles. “No, I’ll take the train.”

“Okay,” says Jinyoung. “Do you want to say more?”

“I’m thinking about it carefully,” Jaebeom says.

“I know.” Jinyoung sighs, but not out of sadness. “Can I have a good luck kiss for tomorrow?”

“Here.” Jaebeom blows him a flying kiss.

“Stingy.” Jinyoung laughs.

“Take care,” says Jaebeom.

“Yeah, I’ll see you after.” Jinyoung walks away.

It’s seven in the morning, and Jaebeom has been up all night writing down everything in his notebook-slash-journal. Last night, he tried to sort out his thoughts, weighing career and relationships, and how much he regretted letting the makeup artist stint slip. It’s too early in his career to be sacrificing so much for one person.

And there’s this: idols, based on knowledge, tend to have fleeting relationships rather than long term ones because of the nature of their work (“That can't be entirely true,” says Youngjae), and he's not even sure what Jinyoung wants from this (“Bitch, he wanted you to stay,” Youngjae argues). 

Second is Jaebeom’s whole setup, mindset. He is in the middle of discovering passions, still grasping at everything, searching for that fire. He's still young, and he can't keep breaking anyone's hearts or his own, along the way. He's too unsettled.

“So doesn't that make you two compatible?” This one slices through his thoughts. Youngjae chugs down what remains of his energy drink and waits for Jaebeom to answer.

Jaebeom licks his lips. “How?”

“You're both career-driven. If there's anyone who would understand you, he will.” Youngjae leans back in his chair. Jaebeom wants to wipe the smug look off his face.

“Why are you even rooting for him?” Jaebeom says. “You learn he's your fan and suddenly you want to support _us_.”

There's a long measured pause. Youngjae stares intently and Jaebeom thinks he's being studied, analyzed under a magnifying glass.

“What's holding you back hyung?” asks Youngjae.

Jaebeom looks down. “I haven’t told you what we’ve been through.”

“In less than _two_ months?”

“Does the time we’ve known each other even matter?” Jaebeom asks, slightly annoyed.

Youngjae steadfastly looks at him. “Sounds to me that you’re convincing yourself not to accept his offer.”

Jaebeom huffs. “Thanks for pointing out the obvious.”

“No, you don’t get it,” Youngjae insists. “You want to, so you’re making up dumb excuses.”

Jaebeom sighs. Youngjae continues, “This is the last ditch attempt. You’re on the final leg of the race.”

Jaebeom laughs. “You nailed it.”

“I'm tired of you two dancing around each other. It’s not even about whether he’s my fan or not.” Youngjae plays around with his empty plastic bottle.

“But it’s cute that he is,” Jaebeom teases.

Youngjae then shoots the plastic bottle into the trashcan like a ball. He misses by a small margin. “Leave me alone, hyung. I’ve been listening to your worries for a long time.”

“And I’m grateful,” Jaebeom says honestly.

Youngjae stands to get the bottle. He points the elongated end at Jaebeom. “Just go for it.”

After Youngjae leaves for work, Jaebeom decides to go outside and walk around the neighborhood. All the trees are crowned with leaves in shades of oranges and yellows and browns. The others are piling up at the base like they soaked up the sun. He's never appreciated autumn like this before.

He waits at a nearby bus stop with no destination in mind. Motivated by the need to sear off troubling thoughts, he rides the first one that arrives and it leads him to the site of Jinyoung's company building.

The architecture isn't anything special, now that he's looking at it from the bottom. Jaebeom steps out of the bus, laughing to himself about the coincidence. The cafe across the street looks the same, filled by office workers in black uniforms. The sky is vibrant with colors of the setting sun's rays.

He follows the path of the sidewalk, entertaining the memories that surface as he does. He thinks of his first day entering that building, the damp weather, the meeting with the core team and Jinyoung.

Jaebeom stops to see how much he's walked. He's come so far compared to where he was before.

The next two days are spent like this, thinking of past schedules, of his friendship with the staff members, of his determination to learn more. He's always received and given help to reach where he is, but Eunhye gets the credit for leading him here.

When he rides the train home, it reminds him of that dinner with Youngjae and Jackson, and the events that follow after. Jinyoung is largely connected to a whole set of memories from getting coffee to applying lipstick.

They text sometimes, checking in. Jaebeom is silently updated on news about Jinyoung's performances so he doesn't ask how it went. Before everything started, he never imagined they would reach this level of communication. He didn't bank on being affected by him, on rearranging his plans to accommodate him. He saw the agenda on the first meeting and almost fell in love with it, not expecting he'd completely fall in love with something else, _someone_ else.

The final day apart arrives, and Jaebeom wakes up charged like a live wire. He cleans the flat to curb some of the excitement, even scrubbing the bathroom tiles until they’re sparkling clean. Youngjae thanks him for sparing them from hiring a housekeeper.

“When's the last show day?” asks Jaebeom.

“We're trying to keep it up for a month, so about three weeks from now,” Youngjae replies. “Want to watch me again?”

“I've bore witness to your live musical performances for a lifetime,” Jaebeom says. “But maybe.”

“Sure hyung. Remember to ask Jinyoung-ssi out this time,” Youngjae says airily.

Jaebeom smiles. “Maybe I will. He arrives home today.”

“Good luck,” Youngjae says.

After cooking dinner, Jaebeom takes a stroll again. More leaves rest on the floor, and the dusk gives off a dreamy scenery of the area. He thinks about the infinite opportunities he still has after the job. There's always other roads to take, more doors to knock on and welcome him.

For now, he'll try to save himself from one more heartbreak. It's going to be okay. He believes it.

Jaebeom takes out his phone and dials a number.

“Hello, Jinyoung-ah?” Jaebeom says, heart fluttering. “I need — I mean, where are you?” 

“Jaebeom hyung? I just got home. Why —”

“I want to see you,” he says, as sweet as honey.

“I miss you too.” Jinyoung’s smile shines through the phone call. “Come over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic represents a lot of firsts for me (one of the first fics i've written in 10 years, first fic i finished ever, first time writing smut, first fic/post on ao3) so it's very precious to me. i had a lot of fun writing it and i'm really happy with the outcome! ✨
> 
> the inspiration for this came after i saw this [tweet](https://twitter.com/fatpussyhex/status/1253899022034776070?s=20), then i remembered [jb's applying makeup on a fan vid](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18OP5JbFZ6g) and [jy's tom ford gig](https://twitter.com/VogueKorea/status/1255377225614065664?s=20). when i conceptualized this fic last may 2020, i didn't expect how close (somewhat ?? maybe?) this would be to reality right now. be that as it may, i wish nothing but the best for our boys! let's show them our utmost support.
> 
> and thank you so much for reading!! i hope you enjoyed it! i have many more fics/wips planned and lined up, and i'm looking forward to sharing them here in the future.
> 
> again, please check out [yorobeom](https://twitter.com/yorobeom)'s [gorgeous art](https://twitter.com/yorobeom/status/1355973889730301953?s=20) for the fic!!! give them lots of love. ♡♡


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